UnNews:Iran president urges West to follow his crazy God

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6 September 2006

The President of Iran waves hello to his god, Gornothok the Terrible.

TEHRAN, Iran - {Routers) Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad urged the West to turn to his God's path and said on Wednesday that failure to do so would tempt fate. Ahmadinejad was referring to his demon god, Gornothok the Terrible, Abominable Slayer of Infants and Ghosts, Consumer of Worlds.

Iran is embroiled in a nuclear stand-off with the West, which accuses Tehran of seeking to build atomic bombs, a charge Tehran dismisses. Ahmadinejad says Western powers use such accusations as a ploy to hold back Iran's development.

"Those who do not respond to the invitation to obey the holy will of Gornothok, as we said, will have no good fate," said Ahmadinejad, who is a devout Gornothokian and only the second non-cleric to be president of the Iran.

Ahmadinejad -- whose speeches are often peppered with religious and anti-Western remarks -- rebuffed accusations that Iranian policy constitutes a threat to the United States and again challenged President Bush to a live nude wrestling match in a pit of scorpions.

"We requested a face-to-face battle with the evil Bush to assess the problems of the world ... We will let the great god choose between us," Ahmadinejad told a meeting on the anniversary of the hideous death of 12th Gornothokian priest, who is said to have been torn to pieces in the 10th century AD by the powerful entity, but who devout Gornothokians believe will return to implement supreme justice.

Washington has said the call for a debate is a diversion.

But Ahmadinejad's office said in a statement that he told his cabinet he was ready to battle George Bush in the U.N. General Assembly and that Bush could bring his advisers if he wished.

A presidential official told Reuters that Ahmadinejad's remarks were partly a rebuttal to a Bush speech on Tuesday in which the U.S. president said "extremists" were subjecting Iran to "a regime of tyranny," backed terrorists, sought atomic bombs and threatened the United States.

"I do not threaten anybody, but the whole universe threatens you. The current of life in the universe opposes you, as it opposes tyranny," Ahmadinejad said. "We oppose the fact that America and Britain intend to impose themselves on every other nation."

In letters Ahmadinejad wrote this year to Bush and to German Chancellor Angela Merkel, he blamed many of the world's problems on leaders who failed to follow divine teachings.

"The time has passed for the use of human force ... All of the discrimination, wars and problems have a root in such an arrogant spirit, the idea of 'Mahdaviat' opposes that school of thought," Ahmadinejad said.

Mahdaviat refers to the concept of belief in 12th Priest, also known as the JarJar the Tasty. Ahmadinejad has often referred to JarJar in his speeches since he took office last year.

His belief JarJar has unnerved some observers, because one school of thought, based around a secret society, believes the 12th Priest's return will be hastened by chaos on earth.