UnNews:Iran invades Quebec, no one notices

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

9 May 2006

Iranian satellite photo of Quebec, in red, with Montreal marked with an "x"

Near the "x" - CANADA Iran invaded the Canadian province of Quebec at 4:02 AM GMT. No one noticed. A barrage of calls to emergency services was incorrectly attributed to a rash of home invasions.

Once Iranian Special Forces were in-country, they found it almost impossible to be taken seriously. Strangely enough, because Iranian accented English sounds exactly like the local French-Canadian accent to other Canadians and Americans, no alarm was sounded in either Canada or the US.

It was not until Iran's crack troops, the psychotic, fiercely loyal Qods Force of theIslamic Revolutionary Guards Corps paratroopers burst through La Ronde (now owned by American company Six Flags), biggest amusement park in Montreal, that authorities became suspicious. The International Fireworks Festival, held there every summer, was mistaken for the small, scattered firefights which actually did ensue, until local constables and Right-wing paramilitary realized it's not summer yet.

Just southeast of downtown is Old Montreal (Vieux-Montréal), an historic area with such attractions as the Old Port, Place Jacques-Cartier, City Hall, the Marché Bonsecours, Place d'Armes, Pointe-à-Callière Museum, and the Notre-Dame de Montréal Basilica, all of which were blown to shit.

Maj General Yahya Rahim Safavi, commander of IRGC. Linguists and intelligence agents often confuse "Yahya" with "yo-yo".

No assistance was refused once the Canadian military became involved. Maurice "Mom" Boucher, a Hells Angels high-ranking member and convicted criminal, was let out for service. Mr. Boucher took charge of the 73rd Hydro-growers Artillery Battalion, "mostly because those explosions are just so cool, man!", Boucher told this reporter at the front gate of a Canadian Super-Maximum security penitentiary located in North Montreal.

The Qods Force coat of arms. Isn't is just kick-ass!?

Maj General Yahya Rahim Safavi, supreme redundantly-Islamic commander of IRGC was interviewed during the fiercest of the fighting, while tens of tens of bullets flew, somewhere in Canada. He quipped, "Heh, we'll teach these cheese-eating, besotted, scum to mess with Islamic Fundamentalism!"

When informed that the Iranians were, in fact, fighting the wrong cheese-eaters, he exclaimed, "I knew I shouldn't have trusted American intelligence! That damned survey showed, what, 60% of American adults can't find Iraq on a map!?! Jesus!"

Shortly thereafter, peace broke out and a settlement was reached, whereby Iran promises to use better intelligence next time. In return, Canada received a "get out of Jihad free" card.

Sources

• Rev. zim_ulator, apathetic agnostic "Persian Muslims won't go for French pea soup" UTCAA Big Book of Nescience, August 12, 2001

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Roozbeh "Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps" Wikipedia, May 3,2006