UnNews:Iranian President "Just Kidding" About Destruction of Israel
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
12 April 2006
(Iran, Middle East. AP) In a startling about-face, leading Iranian militants issued a video statement apologizing for all the bad things they've said about Israel and expressing interest in converting to Judaism. Democrats applauded this "bold new peace initiative."
<font=big>SENATOR JOHN KERRY PROCLAIMS "NEW DAY" IN MIDDLE EAST
Reached on his yacht, the Scaramouche, Senator John Kerry of the island of Martha's Vineyard applauded this apparent about-face by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Jr. "I know a thing or two about flip flops," Senator Kerry quipped, drawing applause from a number of temporary guest workers who keep his 140' cruiser in top shape. "It's consistent with my plan to have all Middle Easterners become Jews to end the divisiveness and bitterness that results when people allow differences in their religions to come between them." Kerry remarked on how his program in Massachusetts to convert all Bostonians to Buddhism was already reaping rewards. "We now have almost thirty-three new Buddhists in Cambridge alone."
The Senior Senator from Massachusetts, Ted Kennedy, struck a more skeptical tone. "It deeply troubles me that a man still needs to wear pants in Iran, particularly while drunk. Sadly, to this day it remains almost impossible to get a good bottle of scotch in Tehran, or so I'm told." Still, he expressed some hope that "the Jews will fix this."
<font=big>BUSH ADMINISTRATION REACTS
Reached for comment, Bush Administration spokesperson George W. Bush advised reporters that Dick Cheney was deeply concerned about the potential for a radical increase in the number of Jews as a result of the Iranian initiative. "One can't help but be worried," said a top Cheney aide, who asked to remain anonymous. "Don't we have enough of them already? Jeez."
