UnNews:Hundreds of Patients Stuck in Oregon Hospital Beds

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25 January 2022

Vital signs are taken every 4 hours by an Assistant.

BROOKINGS, Ore. — Staffing shortages across the entire health care system have resulted in hospitals keeping patients longer. Gobs of Oregon patients are stuck in rinky-dink fly-by-night hospitals waiting to be discharged as staffing shortages across the entire health care system have hospitals keeping patients longer unable to release patients to lower levels of care.

Miss Betsy getting a much needed shot .

Jenny Koreny (her name rhymes) is one of those patients at Our Lady of Perpetual Sadness in Brookings. Jenny Koreny (her name rhymes) is seriously ill with complications from boredom. She was supposed to be discharged from the hospital to an outpatient comedy club but there's no room right now. "The staff is stretched thin." Jenny Koreny (her name rhymes) said. Adding "And the staff is incredibly young. They keep making me play with them. I'm SO sick of 'Hide & Go Seek' you have no frickin' idea. I CAN SEE YOU BEHIND THE CURTAIN! Ugh, get me outta here!".

"That's a doll!" shouted Jenny Koreny (her name rhymes). "The pipeline isn't working as it's supposed to. No really, the real pipeline-it's not working like it's supposed to! Quick-someone call a plumber!"

"Don't yell at me!" Retored Tabitha. "What do you want from me?! Little Miss Betsy needs a shot so I'm giving her one! It's the best I can do, I'm only 5 years old!".

"That's milk! It's not even a real shot! The backlog is tied to multiple factors." Said Jenny Koreny (her name rhymes). "The problem is somebody needs to untie the backlog. And the front log. Honestly, every log-there's really no reason why logs need to be tied, it's not like they're going anywhere! Speaking of logs, who's got two thumbs and needs to go poopy? THIS gal!".

Nurse Amanda checking in on Mrs. Smithers.

"Mrs. Smithers doesn't feel good so she is laying in her little bed." said new Nursing School grad Amanda.

Will this crisis ever end? Who will take charge? Where will we be when the dust settles? No one knows, least of all, no one in Brookings Oregon.