UnNews:Hillary Clinton wants votes of a small Greek island counted in Democratic primary
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
9 May 2008
Washington DC, USA -- As Barack Obama made a surprise appearance at the White House and took a lead in Superdelegates for the first time in the election, Hillary Clinton was passionately lobbying for Euboea, a little-known island off the coast of Greece. Clinton and her husband have argued for the past several months that the island's votes should be counted in the Democratic primary, despite the fact that it is several thousand miles away from the United States, and technically a part of Greece.
Debate over the small island's position in the American election since Clinton said several months ago, "We claim to be a Democracy, and yet there are almost 200,000 people in Euboea whose voices are not allowed to be heard here. Sure, they don't actually live in America, but denying them the right to vote just because of the small matter that they aren't American is pure segregation!"
Counting the votes of island residents in the election would mean the addition of eight or nine new delegates. Political scientists estimate that 78% of votes would go to Clinton, and the remainder would go to "Fresh Tuna" because the islanders would mistake the voting ballot for a restaurant menu.
Euboea, populated exclusively by very old white people, none of whom know of the existence of the United States, has not yet taken an official position on the debate. The island's leader, Konstantinos Papanikolaou, made a statement on the topic. "I think the people of our island are being exploited for political purposes," he started to say, but the rest of his speech was cut off by the loudspeakers attached to the wall behind him, which are programmed to automatically bellow "VOTE FOR HILLARY!" every hour on the hour.
Hillary's calls to count the votes of Euboea are coming after Obama appears to be gaining a lead in the national primary. While many have stated that it is now impossible for her to win without adding more delegates, she has remained optimistic: "I will win this election. I'm sure of it. And I'm not letting anything as pessimistic as facts get in between me and victory."
If the votes of Euboea are not counted, Hillary may face the prospect of losing the election. Her only other hope would be the elusive "Super Duper Delegates," delegates so super they make superdelegates seem almost as insignificant in the political process as American citizens.
