UnNews:Greece destabilises Europe

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22 May 2010

Ancient Greek prognostic pottery depicting the position of modern Greece (left) relative to the rest of Europe.

ATHENS, Greece -- European officials have officially announced that the weight of Greece is beginning to gradually tip the European continent eastward, which may eventually result in landslides--leaving Paris somewhere near Baghdad.

The remnants of Greece's economy combine with its national pastime: kicking policemen in the balls.

An official spokesman said, "This has been caused by the huge amount of cash given to Greece in gold bars and chocolate money, causing physical land subsidence which, if uncorrected, will cause untold catastrophe. I mean, Americans can barely find Europe on a map now. If we were to move, it would destroy our tourism industry."

The news has gotten worse as Greece's only export commodity, rioters, threaten to add political turmoil and annoying, pointless, self-obsessed semi-anarchy to the potent mix of problems.

Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel suggested cutting Greece off with a giant set of garden shears and sending it towards Africa, to condense the world's problems into a more focused and easily manageable area.

France's President Nicolas Sarkozy concured with the German concept of cutting Greece off, with giant nuclear-powered garden shears, with the shears contract going to Channel Tunnel Group/France–Manche (CTG/F–M).