UnNews:Giuliani supports Barack Obama for President

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7 August 2007

Giuliani admitted he just "can't resist" Obama's sexy muscular body.

WASHINGTON, DC -- Despite his own candidacy for the position, Rudy Giuliani admitted on Monday to supporting rival Barack Obama for President. The revelation came after reporters noted that Giuliani's Facebook profile contains numerous comments praising Obama and his platform. Shortly after online website Slate first reported on this, Giuliani's official campaign website was revamped to explicitly praise Obama and link to his site.

Asked in an afternoon press conference about his apparent support for the Democratic Senator, Giuliani freely admitted that "Mr. Obama is a far better choice for this country's top post than I am." He went on to explain that Obama's liberal views and sensible ideas for Iraq and the War on Terror were far more reasonable than his own ideals. The former New York mayor also added that "being a Senator, Barack has far more experience at national politics than I do."

Despite his support for a different candidate, Giuliani vowed to continue seeking the Republican nomination and confirmed that his campaign is "in full swing." He asserted that he is "the most liberal.. er.. I mean, the most qualified of the Republican field." The other contenders, however dismissed this latest campaign twist as a media ploy. Frontrunner Mitt Romney commented, "As always, Rudy's views aren't in line with the average American's. I strongly believe that Hillary Clinton, not Barack Obama, will be the best President." Similarly, ultra-conservative Fred Thompson declared "I will prevail in the primaries and thus will be able to spread my message that John Edwards will make the best Commander in Chief."

Presented with the hypothetical scenario of someone other than Obama garnering the Democratic nomination, Giuliani replied, "Well, I sure hope that in that case Mike Bloomberg will run as an independent, cause I won't vote for Hillary, and I sure as hell won't vote for myself." But the ex-mayor later expressed confidence in Obama's victory, hinting that he is directing a new "Obama Girl" music video. Barack Obama himself, still registered as a Republican, kept a low profile after this latest developments, with aides saying only that "he appreciates Mr. Giuliani's support, and is sure to vote for him in the Republican primary."

Meanwhile, incumbent President Bush has yet to weigh-in on his favorite candidate out of the massive field. White House aides are preventing reporters from asking Bush about the topic. The President, reportedly cannot distinguish one Republican candidate from another, and is being coached by using flash cards with photos of the various Republicans on one side and their names on the other. His accuracy rate has risen to close to thirty percent, an impressive accomplishment, since he only started this learning method four months ago after confusing Senator McCain with Senator Schumer. The President also has a bit more trouble recognizing the Democrat candidates except that he understands that one "is a girl with chubby legs" and thinks Barack Hussain Obama is an Arab cousin of Osama Bin Laden - - although like most Americans, can not remember the full names of either man. Senior staffers acknowledge off-the-record that the leader of the free world is still under the impression that he is "El Presidente for life," or, as the Presidents says, "por lifo."

Sources

• Marc Santora "Giuliani’s Daughter Shows Support for Obama, for a Time" New York Times, August 6, 2007