UnNews:Geordie horse wants rematch

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 April 2013

Bud being punched in the face by a man.

A Geordie police horse attacked when football fans clashed following an English Premier League match has demanded a rematch with the drunken dick who punched him.

Bud, of Northumbria Police's mounted section, was hit while attempting to control crowds leaving the Newcastle United and Sunderland game on Sunday.

He told UnNews, "He punched me when I weren't looking. There I was with Steve [Sergeant Steve Mathers] on me back, and just as he pulled me reins to the left, I felt this smack on the right side of me face and I went down like a sack of shit."

Thousands of inebriated Newcastle fans cheered as the six year old fell to the ground, and was counted out by a referee from the WWE, or perhaps it was just another Newcastle fan confusingly dressed in black and white. Northumbria Police received thousands of calls from concerned Britons who have since been gladdened by Bud's hardy response: "I want a rematch. If I see that coont again I'ma fucking kill the basstard."

Police sources said 29 supporters were arrested. Most of the violence was between the two sets of human fans, but Bud was not the only animal hurt - two magpies and a black cat were also taken to hospital with injuries.

A man arrested on suspicion of attacking the horse was later bailed pending further inquiries. Unconfirmed rumours in the press in the North East suggest that he may have lost money on the Grand National the weekend before.

Footage of the incident can be viewed on this link. UnNews advises that viewers of a nervous disposition, or those with a particular fondness for horses, might prefer not to click on the link.

Source

• Leverage, "Newcastle fan takes out frustration by punching police horse" BBC, April 15, 2013