UnNews:General Mills releases Obama birth certificate
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 September 2011
USA, Earth -- Renowned cereal manufacture, General Mills, said Thursday morning that they would be inserting copies of the President's long form birth certificate in select brands. Speculation is that that there was a deal struck with The White House in an attempt to put "birther" questions to rest.
"The President and CEO of General Mills believed the distraction over his birth certificate wasn't good for the country. It may have been good politics and good T.V., but it was bad for the American people and distracting from the many challenges we face as a country," General Mills spokesperson Ryan Lazio said in a statement.
While President Obama had released his certificate of live birth in 2008, and his long form certificate earlier this year, General Mills (a five star general) thought it would be prudent that all families with children could have a copy in their hands.
"I believe there are too many unbelieving idiots out there who have been led astray by Fox News. I know that with evidence in their hands, these people will understand the truth," said a press release from Kendall J. Powell, CEO and President of General Mills, Inc.
The press release named the cereals that will contain copies of the certificate: Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Trix, Lucky Charms, and Total.
Parental reaction has been mixed, from "Well, it's probably more educational than a toy," to "Are they for real?"
Republican reactions were immediate and fierce, Speaker of the House John Boehner said, "I just hope that when the data's analyzed a weakness can be found. It's not over yet."
Donald Trump said he and others are still going to gave assessed one copy's authenticity. "It appears to be a fake, some sorta copy or computer-image, like a scan of something. It's probably been Photoshopped."