UnNews:GOP vows to crank dat Soulja Boy

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23 April 2009

The GOP decided today to crank dat Soulja Boy, citing flagging interest and dwindling membership as primary reasons.

"Unfortunately, our past tactics, such as crumpin', poppin' and lockin' c-walkin', have failed to capture voter support in the past," read a statement from Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele. "We feel it is imperative to the continued survival of the Republican Party that we crank dat Soulja Boy as soon and as often as possible."

The decision has drawn harsh criticism from Steele's fellow Republicans. Former presidential candidate John McCain has called it "totally whack," saying that the plan moves away from the party's roots. In a recent interview McCain said, "Now, Steele thinks he can just totally disregard the old school, but we all know that the American people prefer it to these flat new beats.......Dog"

McCain's former running mate, Sarah Palin, also weighed in on the subject, saying that she is confident that simpler techniques such as a little bump 'n grind are what drew people to the party in the first place. The office of Congresswoman Michelle Bachman released a similar statement, espousing the use of such proven methods as the booty clap and traditional breakdance.

Democrats have also been quick to deride Steele's decision, with Senator Harry Reid and Representative Nancy Pelosi issuing a joint statement claiming that the RNC is corny and totally trippin'. "We the Democrat Party have always brought the freshest moves to the table," said Reid, "and we do not appreciate any punk-ass bitch like Steele steppin'." Added Pelosi: "Bring it on, bitches."

President Obama declined to comment.