UnNews:Fox News Commentator Bill O' Rielly Advertises KOOL AID
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
29 April 2007
On his FOX News TV show and on The Radio Factor, Bill O'Reilly has begun sponsoring and advertising the drink mix Kool Aid. According to the Conservative television and radioshow host, this is the new drink of liberals and U.S. Democrats. When he tells a listener to drink this stuff, he wants them to have the ultimate experience in life. The first liberal to popularize the many merits of Kool-Aid was the Rev. Jim Jones, who had a Church in South America, and utilized large quantities of the stuff to start off his church functions. Also there's a GIANT talking glass pitcher who says, "Oh Yeah!!!!!" as it runs through walls while the kids yell "Its Kool Aid!!!!".
The favorite Kool Aid flavor among liberals is Kerry Blue, named after the blue states that voted for John Kerry. O'Reilly uses arsenic as a sugar-substitute in "Sugar Free Kool Aid" and says the delightfully tangy aftertaste is due to the Sweet 'N Low.
Bill O'Reilly and the Kool Aid Man have now entered into a hell of a contract of killing liberals.
Recently, the GIANT talking glass Kool Aid Man has been seen by eyewitnesses back here in the U.S., presumably to fulfill his contract of political assassination.
Ever since George W. Bush won two consecutive Presidential terms, liberals such as Hunter S. Thompson have committed suicide, and now Bill O'Reilly and the Kool Aid Man want to help all the liberals discover their lives' destiny.
Kool Aid Man was reportedly giving away free video games to children, intending to brainwash them into drinking Kool-Aid and running through brick walls in deliberate attempts at destroying property. Kool Aid Man uses his own Big Brother satellite network to observe kickball games and other activities that young liberals commonly participate in, then he gains admittance by crashing through a nearby wall to offer them Kool Aid beverages as a refreshment. Due to the popularity of Pepsi and Coke in the past, few liberals drank Kool Aid as their poisonous drink of choice. Now that Kool Aid Man has teamed up with Bill O'Reilly and carried out an overwhelming marketing blitzkrieg targeting the liberal youth of America, they remain assured they can convince liberal children to drink Kool Aid, referring to its inevitability as Natural Selection. They also hope to reach liberal adults as they perceive the satisfaction their liberal children derive from drinking Kool Aid.
Instead of Kool aid, Conservative children drink jesus juice. Redneck children drink beer like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin did when he was young. All liberals in the U.S. have been put on a suspected terrorist alert list to prevent them from tampering with the rest of our foodsupply in retaliation.
Bill O'Reilly claims that the 2006 elections where liberals voted for the Democrats for Congress instead of Republicans upset him very much. He feels this new Kool Aid campaign holds great promise in eliminating all opposition from the Godless liberals before the Presidential election of 2008.
Source[edit | edit source]
- Fox News's The O'Reilly Factor
- The Radio Factor
- UnNews Undercover reporter and spy
- swankhouse.blogspot.com
- Kool Aid
- Kool Aid Man
- Bill O'Reilly calls liberal Democrats Kool Aid drinkers