UnNews:Enough is enough
This editorial is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-moron misinformation. You can bloody well piss off if you don't like it!
Friday, December 14, 2018
WASHINGTON -- I can't keep up anymore. It's one scandal, indictment, conspiracy, lie, and plea deal after another. This is not normal. Not only is it difficult to put an UnNews spin on the latest news (Seriously, how can you make this shit funny? Hell, even Bush made it easy.), but also with the breakneck rate that the news spits out. And by remaining silent, you'll never know our opinions on any of these matters. And by remaining silent, one might seem consenting, or worse, complicit.
I see all this Trump news and it makes me sick. How did this happen to America? How did we go from Obama to this? Michael Cohen has flipped on Trump, pinning him for a felony campaign finance violation, and will now serve 36 months (three solid years) in prison. Trump's inaugural spending committee is under criminal investigation. Michael Flynn is staying out of jail scot-free (or is that Scott Free?). He must have sung like a canary to get that kind of plea deal.
Trump is misspelling "Smoking gun" as "Smocking gun." Trump was in the room where the Cohen hush money crap took place in 2015.
Donald Trump is a felon, a liar, and a traitor. And even worse, he is now a child murderer, as is everyone at Border Patrol.
A seven-year-old girl named Jackelin Caal, who crossed the border with her father and was sent to Trump's Concentration camps is now dead from dehydration, exhaustion and septic shock. Trump is very much liable in this horrific tragedy.
Why the fuck is this happening in America, of all places? Why are immigrants being persecuted? Weren't our Founding Fathers immigrants? Why is the so-called "President*" being allowed to not be held accountable for his crimes and misdeeds? When do we indict a sitting "president"? When do we impeach? When do we stand up and say "Enough is enough!"?
There was a time when UnNews could make anything funny. Then again, there was a time when the President wasn't a lying, treasonous, racist, sexist, misogynist, child-murdering, climate-change denying Oompa-Loompa. No wonder Murphy Brown needed to come back! Bush was horrible, but he was never Trump horrible. I miss the days when I could come up with a fart joke, and voila, an instant UnNews article that was fresh and funny. Nowadays, if you want jokes, that's what the real news is for.
Let Jackeline Caal not die in vain. She is blood on Trump's hands and he must be held accountable for her senseless death. Trump and these Border Pa-trolls need to be indicted for murder.
- Nick Miroff and Robert Moore "Girl, 7, died in Customs and Border Protection custody last week, report says" Washington Post, December 13, 2018
- CBS/AP "The girl, identified by the Guatemalan government as Jackeline Caal..." CBS News, Updated December 14, 2018