UnNews:England prepares for chaos and panic as snow predicted

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

30 January 2008

"Horrific"

WINIFRED, London -- The English government has today ordered everyone NOT to panic as up to 1mm of snow is predicted across the country, reaching as far south as Bognor. The British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has today called in the help of former Prime Minister Margret Thatcher, who may or may not have seen some snow during her 37 years in power. She is quoted as saying absolutely nothing of any relevance.

Reuters have reported that an unknown number (possibly zero) of British people have reported seeing up to five individual flakes of snow fall at the same time in Manchester. Local resident Walter Sidebottom said, "Well I haven’t seen any [actual snow] yet, but my mate says he thinks it will [probably snow]".

As a precaution, all Trains, Busses, Planes and Sledges have been ordered to stop working, and people are being advised to fix upside-down pins to their shoes to prevent them slipping in any possible snow and/or ice.

The Government emergency committee COBRA met this morning and raised the national emergency level from pink (calm) to beige (tepid), a level not reached since July 1986, when storms caused horrific damage to homes across the country (inset).

Sources

• BBC news "UK weather warnings" BBC, January 30, 2008