UnNews:Democrats take Senate, Harry Reid is nervous

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

10 November 2006

WASHINGTON, DC, USA -- With Jim Webb's defeat of George Allen in the Virginia race, Democrats gain 51 seats, giving them the majority in not just the House, but the Senate. Democrats were quick to celebrate this, but then toning it down, after they felt sort of guilty and discussed whether or not "we should just let the Republicans keep it" as prominent party leaders such as DNC Chairman Howard Dean pondered if being the majority was "too risky" for the Democrats. Connecticut Independent and formerly Democrat Joe Lieberman promptly told CNN that he believed the Democrats were being too partisan and if they just gave back the majority in at least the House or the Senate, the Republicans "wouldn't be so upset".

"A very small majority," commented talk show personality Rush Limbaugh, adding, "It's like practically a minority, but with more people, but they don't count because they're all tree-huggers and commie pinkos." Other prominent Republicans seemed irritated, except remarkably the president himself, who repeatedly made statements such as "It's a good thing we Republicans won," as well as "Obviously America chose, and they chose the Republicans," and so forth, before crawling into a fetal position.

Harry Reid is concerned about whether or not the "cool kids" in the Senate will accept him as Majority Leader.

The Democratic takeover of the Senate places Harry Reid as the new Senate Majority leader. "I've never been Majority Leader before!" squealed Reid, the Senator from Nevada. "I'm giddy, but I have butterflies in my stomach. What if they laugh at me on the floor? What if I forget what to say?" Nancy Pelosi, the soon-to-be Speaker of the House said "I'm very excited for Harry, of course, he feels the same way about my new position as Speaker; he called me and we both giggled and screamed 'OHMYGAWD OHMYGAWD OHMYGAWWWWD!!' and then more of the same girlish giggling. We agreed that from that moment on we would be BFF."

Despite their grand feat, many in the Democratic party were worried when Harry Reid locked himself in his bedroom, declaring "I'm never coming out! Never!", and burst into tears. "He's always been this way," his mother explained. "In the fourth grade, he played Peter Pan in the school play. That's the main role, you know," she mentioned, beaming with motherly pride. "Anyways, he's a sweetheart, but he gets cold feet on stage a lot."

The White House declared it would make bi-partisan efforts with the Democrats as long as it "stopped doing all that liberal crap". This prompted yet another DNC meeting about whether or not Democrats should, indeed, "stop doing all this liberal crap". Joe Lieberman could not be reached for comment as he appeared to be busying himself throwing eggs at Ned Lamont's house in celebration of his victory.

“To lose one House is unfortunate, but to lose two is careless.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Election Day 2006

Sources

• Unknown author "US Democrats Hail Return To Power" BBC, November 10, 2006