UnNews:Cypress Hill changes its name to Sigh

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Friday, November 9, 2018

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DEADWOOD, SOUTH DACOTA -- American hip-hop band Cypress Hill has changed its name to "Sigh", to empathize with musician Kanye West's recent name change to "Ye". Since Cypress is also considered a nu-metal band, this might cause some confusion between Cypress and the Japanese extreme metal band, Sigh. The Japanese Sigh is mostly known for having the coolest original band member names, as most metal band members are famous for having extremely lame birth names. Exactly like Kanye West. What's that? It's like a New-York girl was called Brooke Lynn East. Kanye should seriously consider start doing metal. I think he will really thrive there, and metal is the only music genre in which the nickname Ye isn't going to sound completely dumb. A heavy metal act can be called Satan, Jehovah, Jesus Fucking Christ, Uncyclopedia, no one really cares.

How would Ye sound as a metal band? Well, I guess something like Sigh's hit "Trouble" from their album Stoned Raiders. Ye is mostly known for his sampling skills. Metal is known for that, too. Taking a famous song and make it better by kicking the song's testicles from behind. Marilyn Manson is the master sampler of metal, of course. UnNews thinks MM should cover every song ever recorded, except maybe "I Got a Woman" by Ray Charles.

Had this occurred six years ago instead of today, "Gangnam Style" hitmaker Psy (pronounced "sigh") would have factored into the discussion, as well. But since he's no longer relevant in the United States, any confusion of the K-pop rapper with Cypress Hill or Japanese metal band Sigh will be nonexistent.

Oh, and also Deadwood is back, cocksuckers. HBO movie this fucking spring. No Cy Tolliver, according to fucking Wikipedia. Powers Boothe has passed on last year. Well, RIP motherfucker. You will be missed.


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