UnNews:Cold War reached ISS

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 October 2014
ISS, Space - The successful test of a stratosphere parachute by Google manager Eustache resulted in NASA's newest decision: US Astronauts must not return by means of Russian Sojus spaceships no more from the international Space Station in orbit. They are obliged to jump down back to Earth by means of the new space parachutes delivered by the next Dragon cargo spacecraft flight. The reason is the escalation of the new Cold War between the US and Russia. It's now already escalated up to the orbit. Inside the space station are already no go areas for the Astronauts, and taboo zones for the Cosmonauts. Guest spacemen from other countries had necessarily to take over the command. Actually a German ESAnaut is the ISS's "Führer". He ordered a long Jacob's ladder (ship ladder) so that American colleagues might get up to the space station without Sojus, too. The wise Führer knows that the station still needs American expertise.