UnNews:Chinese National Party Congress passes record number of resolutions

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

20 October 2007

A delegate listens attentively to the opening speech at the Chinese National Party Congress.

BEIJING, China (UnNews) –The 17th National Conference of the Communist Party of China (CPC) ended today after passing a record number of resolutions, one. The single collective decision represents a groundbreaking move; all seventeen congresses failed to produce consensus on anything at all.

A delighted Wo Bli Kok, official CPC spokesman, told our UnNews reporter, “This is a momentous day for China. Congress finally stood as one and resolved unanimously to hold a further meeting in five years time.”

Western critics point out that under the Chinese constitution the next conference would happen automatically in 2012 anyway.

Dismissing the criticism Kok countered, “That is rubbish. Congress made a collective decision make no mistake. The Western media do not understand Chinese politics. Apart from making decisions, Congress also provides a welcome opportunity for its members to take a well-earned rest and count the money from bribes they’ve received over the preceding five years.”

Meanwhile in Washington D.C. China’s most wanted criminal, the Dalai Lama, (not to be confused with the Patagonian Llama) surprised fellow Buddhists when he went duck hunting with U.S. President George W. Bush.

Accepting a medal on the White House lawn for the largest number of ducks bagged on the day the Dalai Lama used the occasion to protest his innocence. “I am not guilty of the crimes the Chinese Government accuse me of,” he said. “All I want to do is set up a personal fiefdom on top of a mountain in Tibet and they accuse me of sedition. It’s just not fair.”

A White House spokesman commented, “It is pure coincidence that we’ve brought the plight of the Dalai Lama to the world stage at the same time as China’s National Congress. The two events are in no way connected and to say otherwise is a lie. Those who suggest the U.S. wants to steal China’s thunder are clearly Democrats and not to be trusted.”

Sources

• S. Gautama "Zen and the art of nuclear reactor maintenance" Tehran Journal of Nuclear Physics, Vol II Issue 12, October 20, 2007