UnNews:Bush Apologizes for Mocking Homeless Man

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 June 2006

I smell a liberal.

WASHINGTON DC US -- President Bush, who often teases cripples and blind people, apologized Wednesday after he poked fun at a homeless man for wearing shit-soiled pants, not realizing the man shit in his pants to scare away time traveling demons.

The exchange occurred at a news conference in the Rose Garden. Bush pinched his nose and pointed at Delmo Freeman, a homeless man who lives next to a dumpster near the White House. "I smell a liberal," Bush said to the television cameras.

But even though there were no demons in the immediate vicinity, Freeman still needs the shit because he has Stetson's disease, a form of alcohol-induced neuron degeneration that leads to demonic possession. The condition makes Freeman particularly vulnerable to demons, which can cause pain and loss of personal identity.

Freeman said Bush stopped by his dumpster later in the day to apologize and tell him that he didn't know he had the disease. Freeman said he interrupted and told the president that no apology was necessary and that he didn't feel offended since he didn't expect Bush to give a shit if he took a shit.

"The Prez told me, "I know you carry a heavy load"," Freeman said. "I said, 'You got dat right Mr. President. I carry it in my pants!"

Sources

• Nedra Pickler "Bush Apologizes to L.A. Times Reporter" Yahoo! News, June 15, 2006

• Pickles McGinty "New Study Shows Demons Hate Beet Shit Worse" Time Magazine, June 15, 2006