UnNews:Braga to the women: 'Feliz natal! I have given you a troll!'

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25 December 2012

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil -- It is Christmas once again, and if you are Brazilian, you know what that means! Not only is it the birthday of Simone Bittencourt de Oliveira, but also Roberto Carlos Braga does something! On Rede Globo! Or something! And of course you know that back in November, he released an album, Esse cara sou eu (That man is me). Of course, this turned out to be a troll, because it only has four songs! So he came up with this jocular statement:

“You were expecting an album? How's this for an album! XD”


He then joined Simone in a rendition of "Jesus Cristo". Or not. And as is his custom, hugged her, which caused her to laugh uncontrollably. (Just kidding, this was in 1989.)

Something else[edit]

During the event, Braga sang "É meu, é meu, é meu" with the fictional group "Chayene e as Empreguetes", who are basically a female version of the Monkees. This lucky bitch is, obviously, "Chayene", whose name in real life is Cláudia Abreu. She got to kiss him not once, but three times! The first time was during a horrible comedy sketch, in which the Empreguetes basically invade his dressing room. Then, the song. Abreu, predictably, got to kiss him at the end, but due to technical difficulties, she got to kiss him again! Two nanoseconds later, she said, "I hope you all die of envy!" And then somebody exclaimed: "That guy really picks them up!" To which Braga jokingly replied, "Somebody call a doctor!"

A translation of the words seen in the picture at right[edit]

Would you like a free Portuguese lesson? Click this picture!

"The man who thinks about you all the time,
Who counts every second when you are delayed,
Who wants to see you all the time,
Because he doesn't know how to live without you.
And in the middle of the night he calls you
To tell you he loves you
That man is me."

  • Obsessed, clingy, with strong indication of sick jealousy and chronic anxiety.

"The man who grabs you by the arm"

  • Strong necessity to demonstrate his dominance using physical force.

"Confronts whoever stands in your way"

  • Insecure, demonstrates possessiveness, instigating a territorial dispute.

"He is at your side for better or for worse
The hero that every woman dreams of
For you he faces the dangers
Your best friend
That man is me."

  • He imagines himself a "superhero." Because he thinks the woman is "incapable," he thinks himself her "savior." Which guarantees dependence and domination.

"The man who loves you in his own way
That after the loving, you lean upon his chest
He caresses your hair, and speaks of love
He speaks of other things, and causes you warmth

In the morning, you wake up happy
With a smile that says
That man is me.
That man is me.

I am the right man for you
Who makes you happy and who adores you
Who wipes your tears whenever you cry
That man is me
That man is me

The man who always awaits you smiling
Who opens the car door whenever you come
He kisses you on the mouth, hugs you happily"

  • At this point, the "guy" is acting like the typical "Don Juan". Leaving the woman sexually satisfied, he reinforces his "property" in the relationship. Obviously, this has happened since the beginning, until the "guy" moves on to another target of conquest.

"Passionately he looks at you and says
That he lamented his absence and appeals:
He loves you"

  • One more time, the feelings of obsession. He says he feels a void, yet at the same time, apologizes for his lack of constant availability.

"That man is me
That man is me
That man is me
That man is me."

  • Self-esteem issues. Repeatedly he has to affirm to you and to himself that he is "that man."

CONCLUSION: This man is passionate, obsessive, insecure, extremely jealous, with self esteem issues and huge potential for violence. FLEE FROM THIS MAN!


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