UnNews:Actor Paul Walker, age 40, victim of fiery typecasting accident
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
1 December 2013
Actor Paul Walker was killed Saturday in a fiery Southern California auto crash, which accident investigators are calling "an apparent act of fatal typecasting". Walker, 40, was a passenger in a red Porsche driven by his unrelated friend Johnnie Walker when the car left the roadway, hit a hidden ramp, flew thirty-five feet in the air, made three complete barrel rolls, then wrapped around a tree and exploded into flames. Both occupants were pronounced dead at the scene. According to eyewitness accounts, the accident occurred quickly, and was very "intense", but was also "a little bit awesome". Walker, the repeated victim of Twitter hoaxes claiming to report his death, confirmed his own death two hours later with the following post:
A local paper, the Santa Clarita Valley Signal, quoted Antonio Holmes, a friend of Walker's: "His buddy and him ... dis asided to take a spin." Reports that Holmes then burst into a fit of giggles have not been confirmed.
Shortly after news of Walker's death broke, around 3:30 p.m. PST, the Internet momentarily became unusable due to millions of Twitter and Facebook users' attempting to post the word "FAKE" simultaneously. However, when the news was officially confirmed, condolences flooded in from around the Internet, with Alyssa Milano tweeting "No, @RealPaulWalker. No. No. No. Rest with the angels. You. Sweet boy. #beauty #love #RIP". Walker's Furious co-star Vin Diesel added: "yo i just learn to us my thumbs but tough bread @RealPaulWalker wellm issue."
On a down note, film critic Leonard Maltin gave Walker's death only two stars, citing his "wooden performance".
Known for his stubbly good looks and for his ability to express various degrees of bemusement on command, Walker made a name for himself with multifaceted and complex star turns in such films as The Fast and the Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Fast & Furious (animated), Fast and Furious Five, Faster and Furiouser 6, Fast and Furious 7: Revenge of the Neverending Sequel, and Brokedown Palace.
Walker was preceded in death by his own career.
Sources
- Laura Italiano "HEADLESS PAUL WALKER IN TOPLESS CAR" New York Post, November 30, 2013
- Cscadm "We're pretty sure Paul Walker's really dead this time" commonsenseconspiracy.com, November 30, 2013
