UnNews:67% of Israeli teens call current war "bitchin'!"

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

19 July 2006

Despite teachings in the Torah and Talmud to the contrary, Israeli teens enjoy getting drunk, having buttsecks, and huffing kittens.

Tel Aviv, Israel--- Following Israel's recent invasion and subsequent blowing the crap out of Lebanon, many Israeli teens have been consumed by patriotic fervor. A poll conducted by MTV and Associates shows that 67% of Israeli teens consider the current war to be "bitchin'!", while 35% of them prefer footage of Arab carnage to television shows such as "Degrassi", "The OC", "East of Nowhere", and "Laguna Beach."

"Ehud Olmert is, lyke, so totally crnk for, like, deciding to punish these Arab guyz or whatevz," said Haifa teen McStaycee Rosenstein in a recent txt msg. "I used to think that, like, he was a whiny emo bitch for making progress with Hamas, but after he started killing fags in Gaza and Lebanon, I realized he was, like, a total gangsta. I think guyz who, like, ruthlessly slaughter civilians are, like, sooooooo hawt. TTYL"

Some teenagers, mostly boys, disagree. Says Yaffa high schooler David ben Maxfeld, "Wait.... we're at war? Isn't war, like, when people, like, kill each other? My mom always used to say killing was bad, so I guess it's pretty lame. Laterz."

The international political community has been divided on what these data mean. Hawks, who openly advocate Arab genocide, and Doves, who pretend to like peace, but secretly advocate Arab genocide, both agree that these data mark a triumph in propaganda, as does the Bush administration, who also supports said genocide. Human rights advocates such as the Pope, Nelson Mandela, and the Dalai Lama are troubled; however, none of the Israeli teens interviewed knew of the existence of these figures. Moses was unavailable for comment.