UnNews:2013 UnNews Review: September

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

21 December 2013

The first signs of autumn came in September with leaves falling from the trees. But there was strange fruit hanging in Ohio State Prison. It was Ariel Castro, that same three-girls-in-the-dungeon guy who had previously boasted there was no God. (See August)

Turns out that Castro discovered that being locked up was pretty horrible.

September was the month of the twerk, which led to two harrowing news stories: Miley Cyrus, the first person EVER to twerk was stopped in her tracks by 40,000 masturbating old men and, on an even grander scale, her twerking partner Robin Thicke was charged with every instance of rape this year due to the lyrical content of his monster hit Blurred Lines.

There were several more blows to feminist causes. Genitals, Tits, Action 5 (GTA5) was released, and promptly grossed $1bn dollars in its first week, with gross being the operative word. Elsewhere, Ionechat.com girls were branded 'depressing and lifeless' by young men who didn't know any better. Meanwhile, the world of pornography showed no signs of concessions to feminism, with a new craze, HIV porn, sweeping the nation.

And it wasn't only a difficult month for the battle of the sexes. Racial and regional disputes punctuated the month. The various ethnic groups fighting in Syria left our readers so confused we provided a questions and answer article on the country while, in Europe a human chain formed in the name of Catalan independence was cut in half by a human bolt cutter.

Perhaps then, it was unsurprising that in these troubled times, the NFL's Washington Niggers franchise came under pressure to change its name (See right.)