UnNews:GTA5 makes billion dollars in first week

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27 September 2013

Roderick Rod, UnNews' own character, about to take part in his first interracial.

The latest instalment of controversial video game series Gentials, Tits, Action! - GTA 5 - has grossed over a billion dollars in its first week on sale.

The game, which has long been a target of criticism for feminists, has set records within the industry, allows users to take on the persona of a porn star and make their way in the adult movie industry - performing sex acts, developing heroin addictions, contracting sexually transmitted infections, and even winning amusingly shaped statues at award shows. a One gamer, Marty Johnson, explained its appeal: "Ever since I was 13, I have been watching porn, and as a result I have become obsessed with anal sex and facials. As none of the girls I have had any contact with have been interested in doing these things with me, I have taken great pleasure in acting them out in the game. In fact my character's name is actually Anal McFacial."

"So it's really weird now. When I watch porn, I keep having these moments where I, like, forget I am not controlling things, and I have these flashes in real life where - instead of seeing like a gun in my hands like I used to after playing Doom, I see a cock, and I have these, like, visions of sexually assaulting the women in my office. Wait, are you going to print all this?"

Rock Star Games, the game's developers, have tried to ward of criticism of sexism, by allowing players to play as women for the first time, but porn expert and feminist Joanna Corey, said, "I decided to make myself into a black starlet, Vixen Loreta Jones, but I have to say, as I led my character into the HIV clinic for her monthly test, I didn't feel like the change was especially empowering."

"I would say to any parents out there, if they are concerned about their children's attitude to sex and women, you must keep them as far away from GTA 5 as possible. Try and expose them to something more wholesome which doesn't have the implicit suggestion of sex at every moment - like that nice Disney Channel."

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