UnNews:2013 UnNews Review: April
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
16 December 2013
April is the cruelest month, said T.S. Eliot, predicting that many English students would have to study the Waste Land in the spring.
However, April 2013 began with what can only be described as justice: Jokey McJokerson, who dressed up as the Joker to massacre people at a Batman premiere, was sentenced to death.
It was also the end of an era for Lance Armstrong's motorized testicle and the Iron Lady herself, Margaret Thatcher, who tragically died 30 years too late.
It was a month of surveys, with a rather shit one in the UK determining people's class based on their views of supermarket pizza and, stateside, a survey which showed that a growing number of Americans believe that 9/11 was an outside job. Elsewhere in the world of politics, UnNews enjoyed a world exclusive interview with newly elected Venezuelan president, Nicolas Maduro.
April marked a bad month for sex, with motorboating being banned in Venice and Britain's favourite Australian, Rolf Harris, becoming the latest celebrity accused to sexual deviance.
In the US, the nation was rocked by the bombings at the Boston Marathon, which prompted a jealous reaction from an Iraqi bomber who felt his own efforts had been unfairly overshadowed, and led to a world record minute's silence conducted in only 30 seconds.