UnNews:Interview with Nicolas Maduro
15 April 2013
When Hugo Chavez died one month ago, there was considerable uncertainty about whether Chavismo would continue in Venezuela or whether the President's death would signal the end of his socialist crusade. Last night, those doubts were answered as his chosen successor, Nicolas Maduro, won a convincing victory in the presidential election.
UnNews So, Señor Presidente, first and foremost may all of us at UnNews congratulate you on your election win.
Maduro: Thank you. There were some, eh, hairy moments back there, but now, with this victory I hope we bring new era of -
UN Well, before we get into any political stuff, would you mind if we ask you a bit about your clothes?
Maduro: My clothes?
UN Yes. Would you say that it's fair to describe you as looking like a physio from a South American football team circa 1986?
Maduro: I think I no understand.
UN You spend all your time walking around in a multi-coloured tracksuit, what about the observation don't you understand exactly?
Maduro: Well, in Venezuela politics, we have more wide, eh, concept of what can wear a politician, like -
UN Yeah I have seen some cats rocking a kind of Mexican cowboy vibe, but where does the tracksuit come into it?
Maduro: Tracksuit is the problem?
UN Yeah, the tracksuit is the problem. It's a big problem. Even when Harry Enfield wore one in the early 1990s to make fun of Scousers it seemed far-fetched and reductive...
[Maduro confers with his translator to make sure he is following the conversation correctly.]
UN Is that it? Do you dress like this for a joke?
Maduro: For joke?
UN Yeah, that must be it! That would explain the sausage moustache too!
Maduro: Now you go too far! My moustache is... I very proud of my moustache!
UN It looks like you fell asleep and some nasty friends slipped a scrawny dog turd under your nose.
Maduro: That's it! I go! I was promised interview with no jokes!
UN No jokes huh? Have you tried the other Uncyclopedia page?
- Leverage "Chavez heir Maduro wins Venezuela presidential election" BBC, April 12, 2013