UnNews:'Lolita' bed for girls withdrawn

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

1 February 2008

An Internet kiddie fiddler, who became sexually obsessed with his 12-year-old stepdaughter.

HIGH STREET, Scunthorpe, Friday (UNN) -- A British retailer has withdrawn a bedroom set targeted at young girls that was branded under the name "Lolita" after a furious campaign by a mothers' group. Staff at the Woolworths retail group were apparently unaware that the brand of the bed set was the same as the title of Vladimir Nabokov's famous novel, which told the story of a middle-aged Internet user who became sexually obsessed with his 12-year-old stepdaughter.

"What seems to have happened is the staff who run the website had never heard of Lolita, and to be honest, no one else here had either," a Woolworths spokesman said. "We had to look it up on Uncyclopedia. But we certainly know who she is now."

The bed set, which included a wooden bed with a pull-out desk, cupboard and condom and sex toy drawer, was intended for girls aged six, and retailed for £395. A selection of additional items, marketed under the "Nymphet Range" was also called into question.

The campaign was sparked after mother of four Brenda Busybody, 34 (IQ), noticed the product on the Woolworths website. "Am I being particularly sensitive, or does anyone else out there think it's bad taste for Woolies to have a kiddy bed range named 'Lolita'?" she said, after going into Woolworths to buy her six-year-old daughter Shardinnaiye a diaphanous top with the Playboy bunny logo, trousers with "SWEET ASS" across the bottom and some hair remover, just like all her friends had.

The bed set has been renamed "Maddie."

Sources

• Garish Glitter "I thought 'pedophile' meant foot fetishist" North American Man-Boy Just Good Friends Association, February 1, 2008