Wool

Wool was undoubtedly Einstein's cutest invention.

Wool, a type of fuzzy compound commonly used to make socks and ugly holiday sweaters, was invented by Albert Einstein in 1927, earning him the Nobel Prize in Fleece-work. Einstein used much of Heisenberg's work in inventing wool, as Heisenberg invented Sheep. Iron wool, however, did not come about until Professor Esmail Zanjani, of the University of Nevada, managed to create a sheep that was 15% steel. However, he was unable to shear his sheep until Anonymous invented diamond-coated shears. Take note, this is not to be mistaken with Steel Wool, which is a substance resembling wool that is used for severe and, most times chronic, masturbation.

Theory of Fuzzitivity

Einstein came about wool through his theory of Fuzzitivity, shown here:

$sheep=cute+fuzzy$

Einstein concluded that sheep could only be cute with fuzziness, and vice versa. Therefore, he concluded, there must be something contributing to the fuzziness to make sheep so darn cute. Since pi equals exactly three, and there are three vowels in wool (if you count "w" as a vowel), Einstein decided to invent wool in order to make the equation correct.

Invention

Einstein took a cauldron and used the following recipe, deduced from random mathematics:

• Three teddy bears
• Two Pokémon
• Rudy from the Cosby Show.
• Pubes from the guys on Jackass

Wool was invented automagically.

Woolco

The task of marketing the "have you any wool, yes ma'am, yes sir, three bags full" concept went to F. W. Woolworth, the five-and-dime store lad of Utica NY. His initial approach, conceived while watering his flock in Watertown, was to establish the Woolco network: dedicated to marketing by pulling the wool over the eyes of the Canadian and American public.

It worked well for a while, eventually unraveling at the hands of evil union-busting Mall-Wart in the 1990s.

Sheepish investors, having herd the news, wandered away and chose instead to invest in RAM manufacturers. Those who invested in virtual memory lost everything during a short power failure.

The Woolworth empire did hold on to the Foot Locker chain, where it's believed that old Frank W. Woolworth has hidden the last of the money in his wool socks.

Possession of

Being as wool was created by godless Scientists it is quite easy for even beginner demons to possess it and cause murderous mayhem (see Paula Abdul), however this was outlawed by Microsoft in 1999 and cases of it have subsided since.

Common Uses

• Something to pull over your eyes
• Disguising black sheep of the family
• Warmer replacement for cotton mouth
• Instant candyfloss, just add sheep nits.