UnNews:'Alien bollocks' spotted on Mars
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
1 May 2009
HOUSTON, Texas -- UFO investigators are claiming they have spotted a set of alien bollocks on Mars in photographs beamed back from the planet by NASA.
At first glance, it looks like nothing more than a standard image of a Martian rocky desert, the type we have all become familiar with since the first images from the fourth planet in our solar system were published some years ago - but this image has got everyone talking after experts noticed what appears to be an enormous set of alien bollocks rising up from the landscape. The oddly-shaped geological feature, which appears to be comprised of two rocky testicles and a giant space cock, have led to speculation that it might be a set of fossilised Martian genitalia.
Internet forums are full of people chattering about the image, sent by a panoramic NASA camera known as Spirit which has been active on the planet since 2007. One alien spotter said, "The penis would be around three metres in length with the balls having a diameter of approximately 1 metre each." If its existence can be proved, this would make it the biggest bollocks ever discovered.
Another investigator pointed out that, despite the image's low resolution, the testicles appear to show some evidence of hairiness which would be in keeping with a lifeform evolved for existence in a cold and windy environment. He adds, "The question is, is the rest of the owner buried, or are they amputated from the body? We've seen bollocks on the Martian surface before, but never as clearly as this."
The famous Face on Mars photograph transmitted back to Earth by the American Viking 1 spacecraft in 1976 which appeared to show the shadowy likeness of a human face - which some people compared to that of Jesus - was also found to closely resemble bollocks when the area was re-photographed in 1998.
Jenny Randles, snaggle-toothed author of several UFO investigation books, is a spokesperson for the Alien Research Society of England (ARSE), a body which looks into UFO and extraterrestrial phenomena. "This is most certainly an amazing image," she says. "Bearing in mind that the famed Martian Face was also shown to actually be bollocks, myself and many others will be closely investigating other unexplained Martian artifacts such as the well-known humanoid image, also sent by the Spirit camera back in January 2008, to see if those are bollocks too."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "'Alien skull' spotted on Mars" Telegraph.co.uk, May 01, 2009. Archived 2012-09-17.