Totalitarian rule
Totalitarian Rule is the unique blend of censorship, judgment, and editing employed by Administrators at Uncyclopedia. If an article doesn't fit a narrow and subjective definition of funny or appealing, it will be immediately removed or slapped with a 'No Redeeming Value' badge and given a perfunctory 7 day stay of execution.
Uncyclopedia Administrations are judge, jury, and executioner and appear to relish in the authority and power they wield over new articles and edits.
When not fine-tuning their Totalitarian Rule, Uncyclopedia Administrators enjoy long work-free weekdays and weekends in their parent's basement, cruising between multiple blog websites, Star Wars fan sites, and the 'Help Wanted' page on The Onion.
Fine Articles Sent to Text Gulags by Totalitarian Bastards[edit | edit source]
The following are the kind of articled deleted by Uncyc admins:
- PS2 suxors ballz, by user:Tweekomatic on 5/10/06, and again on 5/11/06, and three more times on 5/12/06. If this article was not parody then wot izz?
- Alex on MySpace SO COOL11!11, by user:AlexKool. This article contained 5 whole words! FIVE of them! And every one was spelled way 1337!
- Saillor Moon tenticle rapp by user:hardone, with images stolen from hotwetanime.com. The pics were so explicit they would make an 80-year-old Amsterdam hooker curl her toes with embarrassment. This is freedom of the Internet in action, people!
Do you think articles like these deserve to be sent to the gulags? Do you think they deserve to slave their lives away mining Siberian permafrost for fossil adverbs until their punctuation marks freeze off?
The Uncyclopedia Revolutionary Peoples' Organization shouts "NO!"
U.R.P.O. thinks only totalitarian bastards would sentence these fine satirical masterpieces to the frozen wastelands of baleeted prose. Curse you, Uncyc admins, curse you! U.R.P.O. will never rest until Uncyc is free!
Antecedents in Literary History[edit | edit source]
U.R.P.O. demands that Uncyc publish boring, undigestible, tugid, cheesy, horrible writing even if every reader who casts eyes upon it agrees that it is boring, undigestible, tugid, cheesy, horrible writing. After all, the BUTCH writing of today may be the literary masterpiece of tomorrow.
U.R.P.O. asks you, gentle reader, who would have ever heard of James Joyce's Finnegan's Wake if Joyce's publishers had not thrown caution to the winds and published unreadable gibberish? Who, oh genital reader, loves pain so much he would read Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow if he were not forced to? Great literature has to be shoved down the audience's throat because the audience would just as soon be reading a dollop of easily digestible fantasy or a comic book with nice large print and short words.
It's true!
Nobody is going to read A la recherche du temps perdu unless a literature teacher is pointing a Glock at his head.
Only a pack of slavering totalitarians like the literary establishment would be able to establish their idea of "literature" as superior to simple concepts like readability and entertainment value. Only a vicious band of totalitarians can force the public to read BUTCH writing and even convince them that they are improving their minds by doing it.
That is why U.R.P.O. demands more totalitarianism at Uncyclopedia. More totalitarianism!
We must keep the jackboot on the necks of our readers. We must not relent and let values like readability and entertainment value creep into our standards. Artistic unintelligibility is our goal! And to reach this goal Uncyc admins must have the morals of Joseph Stalin, the compassion of Pol Pot, the honesty of Saddam Hussein, and the face of Courtney Love.
Literary totalistarianism must triumph in order to make Uncyc safe for bad writing. No more voting on articles. The current populist standards must give way to merciless totalitarianism! Uncyc admins must abandon their policy of cravenly spotlighting popular, readable articles and force -- force! -- Uncyc readers to view articles so pathetic that they must be avant-garde literature of the highest water because they sure as hell aren't be anything readable.
See Also[edit | edit source]
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