The Final Solution to the Pop Question

It's getting out of hand ...

The Final Solution to the Pop Question is a term that refers to the systematic and irreversible process of eliminating modern pop fandom, which has become a serious societal issue. This phenomenon, once dismissed as harmless entertainment, has escalated into a pervasive cultural force that undermines critical thinking, fosters superficiality, and distorts social values. The process aims to dismantle the structures that allow for this blind devotion, eradicating the mechanisms that perpetuate mass cultural obsession and passive consumption. By addressing the root causes, this solution seeks to restore balance, ensuring that society is no longer dominated by the shallow and transient nature of modern pop culture.

Background

We all remember that era ...

1960s–1980s

It all started innocently enough with the band of African American descent, The Jackson 5, from which the youngest of the five would end in the spotlight, singing catchy tunes while triggering mass hysteria among hormonal teens. Michael Jackson was the gateway drug. Sure, girls were fainting at the mere sight of MJ's smirk, but at least they had the decency to faint in person, not in the comment section of social media posts. Back then, fandom was still a semi-respectable business. You screamed at a concert, plastered your bedroom with posters, and maybe even wrote a creepy fan letter or two. But people still knew how to function in society. At least Michael Jackson gave us music that still holds up: play "Thriller" today and it won't melt your brain.

By the time the 1970s and 1980s rolled around, fandoms had escalated, but still retained a shred of dignity. David Bowie, Madonna—these stars had fans who worshiped them, sure, but they also produced music that had some actual artistic merit. They didn't ask you to forsake your entire identity in exchange for idol worship. Their fandoms wore outlandish outfits, but at least they weren't sacrificing their IQs in the process. People might have thought Bowie was from another planet, but they still knew how to tie their shoes. This was the era where pop fandoms were still mildly eccentric, not yet the festering pits of cultural decay we see today. There's a reason you can still hear "Like a Prayer" or "Starman" and not feel your brain cells fleeing in terror.

1990s–2000s

Then came the 1990s, the breeding ground for the absolute collapse of fandom sanity. Boy bands and girl groups became the gods of this new, terrifying world. Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Spice Girls—their names alone are enough to induce flashbacks of synchronized dance moves and the rise of the merch-driven corporate pop machine. While some of their music may have been catchy, the fandoms were already spiraling. These weren't just fans anymore—they were zealots, dedicating every waking moment to worshiping five guys who couldn't even grow facial hair properly. The screaming got louder, the posters more obsessive, and we started to see the rise of the "ultra-fan", who would rather die than admit that their idol might be slightly overrated.

But we still weren't at full-blown cultural collapse. Not quite yet. The '90s were the training ground, the conditioning phase. Pop fandoms were still somewhat contained, a manageable disease. Sure, they sang "I Want It That Way" with religious fervor, but at least they could still hold a conversation about something other than the latest boy band breakup. The Spice Girls might have sold "girl power", but they didn't require total submission to the cult of personality.

And then, as the 2000s loomed on the horizon, the seeds of fandom degeneracy, carefully sown during the Michael Jackson days, began to bloom into the monstrous, toxic jungle that would suffocate all hope of rational human interaction. Little did we know, the final solution would soon be more necessary than ever. What started as a quirky, harmless obsession had morphed into a grotesque, mindless horde, primed to ravage every last shred of cultural integrity.

But in the modern-day nightmare, fans don't just worship: they infest.

2000s–2010s

By the early 2000s pop fandoms had devolved into something so spectacularly stupid, it was like watching humanity trip and faceplant into a bottomless pit of brain rot. What started as mindless enthusiasm in the 90s quickly metastasized into a full-blown intellectual wasteland, where critical thought and basic self-awareness were extinct concepts. IQs were tanking fast—plummeting into sub-50 territory—barely enough brainpower left to fumble through a Spotify playlist, let alone comprehend the grotesque manipulation they were drowning in.

Britney Spears, N*SYNC, Backstreet Boys—these weren't pop stars; they were mass-produced, plastic-wrapped products, and their fans? Oh, those fans were a new breed of clueless. These were people who couldn't tell the difference between a jingle for laundry detergent and an "emotional anthem". They worshiped these talentless hacks like demigods, and the worse it got, the more they lapped it up with wide, vacant eyes. You could've slapped a pop tune over the sound of a toilet flushing, and these morons would've called it "iconic".

By now, intelligence in these fandoms wasn't just low—it was in free fall. The type of people who probably couldn't count to ten without humming a nursery rhyme, yet they truly believed they were part of something profound. Their idols, these over-autotuned puppets, spoon-fed them superficial garbage like "love hurts" and "be yourself", and these poor saps swallowed it whole, thinking they were hearing the voice of God.

These concerts? Christ, they were the epitome of human stupidity at its most delusional. Imagine a sea of drooling, dead-eyed morons, packed together, crying their eyes out as if they'd been touched by some divine force. And for what? Some gel-haired, autotuned, lip-syncing fraud, grinding through a dance routine choreographed by a committee of corporate shills. These idiots were paying top dollar to worship at the altar of talentless, manufactured pop bots, and they didn't even realize they were being suckered into the biggest con of the century.

And let's talk about the music—if you can even call that regurgitated, algorithm-generated drivel "music". Every song was a carbon copy of the last: some banal, mind-numbing riff about heartbreak or "forever love", as if a bunch of 20-year-olds—who couldn't even do their own laundry—were experts on eternal devotion. The lyrics were recycled trash, the beats stale enough to make elevator music sound avant-garde. But did the fans care? Hell no. To these brainwashed drones, every new single was a masterpiece—an earth-shattering revelation that must've been scribbled on tablets of stone.

God help you if you dared criticize their precious idols. These people weren't just fans—they were indoctrinated cultists. Even hint that one of their precious pop stars might be a vapid, talentless hack, and you'd have a pitchfork-wielding mob of braindead sycophants on your hands, screeching about how you "just don't understand" or how you're "jealous" of their immaculate gods. Their critical faculties had been lobotomized by glossy album covers and shallow music videos, leaving behind a bunch of morons who'd mistake a tampon commercial for high art if their favorite pop star was lip-syncing in it.

By the mid-2000s, what we were witnessing wasn't just the decline of pop culture—it was the annihilation of human dignity. These fanbases weren't just dumb; they were proud of it. They paraded their stupidity like a badge of honor, utterly oblivious to the fact that their heroes were talentless shells, cranked out by corporate machines with all the artistic depth of a McDonald's ad. It was the final nail in the coffin for intelligence in pop culture—lights out, game over, no survivors. And these fans, these walking, talking symbols of cultural decay, couldn't even recognize their own demise.

Since the mid-2010s

Since the middle of the last decade to this very moment, we've witnessed the complete and utter collapse of human intelligence, dignity, and any sense of individuality. It's fucked beyond belief. IQ levels have plummeted into negative territory—numbers so low that even Einstein couldn't fathom their existence. We're no longer capable of distinguishing between actual art and the corporate garbage they shovel into our mouths like cheap fast food for the soul. We're mindless puppets, manipulated and processed to the point where our lives have no substance, no values, no thoughts of their own.

We've lost the ability to create or even think critically. All we do now is mindlessly buy overpriced merch, standing in absurd lines for concert tickets as if our entire identity depends on it. The only thing we know how to do is mimic the soulless idols we worship, trying desperately to live in their glossy, manufactured worlds. Imitating their looks, their style, their very existence—as if that somehow makes us more than the empty shells we've become.

It wasn't like this back in the days of Bowie or the greats who stood for something real. Back then, fans didn't just slavishly follow; they were inspired to think, to create, to stand out. Now? We've devolved into brain-dead consumers, happily handing over every last cent for a chance to pretend we're part of something bigger when, in reality, we're just further sinking into the void.

We don't even realize how deeply we've been manipulated, how our every thought and action is spoon-fed to us by corporations who don't give a damn about the so-called "art" they're producing. We're trapped in this endless cycle of empty consumption, thinking it'll fill the gaping hole where our minds and souls used to be. But it won't.

Worst fandoms

Imagine having a career built on stealing songs.

1. Ed Sheeran Fans These people are the human embodiment of beige. They've somehow convinced themselves that listening to the musical equivalent of a lukewarm bath makes them "deep". Sheeran's bland, soulless pop-folk love songs are swallowed whole by fans who believe strumming a few generic chords while warbling about love makes him a modern-day poet. Never mind that every song sounds like it was written by an AI bot programmed to simulate human emotion.

Taylor Swift might be a good person, but her fandom has been terrorizing our lives for a long time.

1. Swifties Possibly the most terrifying of the bunch, Swifties are an actual cult of personality. Try telling them you're not into Taylor Swift's string of breakup ballads, and prepare to be torn apart by a mob of pastel-wearing, Starbucks-sipping zealots. These people treat Swift like she's the second coming of Christ, while she peddles generic heartbreak anthems year after year, and they worship every tear-streaked lyric like gospel. They've weaponized emotional manipulation, thinking her lyrics are high art, while they defend her as if their own existence depends on it.

I'm SAVAGE. Sassy. Bougie, Rachet. Can you feel that brain rot and unimaginable cringe?

1. Megan Thee Stallion's Hotties This fandom is like a fever dream of internet aggression wrapped in a giant ego boost. They believe Megan is the be-all and end-all of empowerment, while their actual contribution to the world is spamming Twitter with mindless praise and clapping back at any hint of criticism. Megan's music can be entertaining, but her fans treat her as if every twerk in a music video is a groundbreaking act of feminism. God forbid you point out that shaking ass for clout might not be the revolution they think it is.
2. Arianators Ariana Grande's fandom is a bizarre mix of infantilization and rabid defensiveness. They've turned a woman in her thirties into some untouchable, high-pitched princess who can do no wrong. If you dare suggest that Ariana's endless breathy vocals and pseudo-empowered lyrics lack substance, her army will hunt you down online with the ferocity of a mob looking to protect their pastel overlord. These people are ready to defend her at the drop of a bunny-ear headband, all while pretending she's the most talented artist of this generation.
3. BTS Army Let's not even start on the K-pop juggernaut that is the BTS Army. It's not just a fandom, it's an entire militarized force. They've got numbers, and they know how to weaponize social media in ways that should make entire governments nervous. The devotion to BTS has reached absurd levels where any dissent is seen as an existential threat to the group itself. Criticize the K-pop machine, and suddenly you're facing thousands of hyper-engaged fans ready to bury you under a tidal wave of fancams and hashtags.
4. Barbz (Nicki Minaj fans) The Barbz are loyal to a fault—like really loyal. These are people who treat every petty feud Nicki gets into like a global event. It doesn't matter if she's beefing with another artist or shading a random nobody online; the Barbz will swarm, ready to defend their queen. They can't seem to grasp the idea that maybe, just maybe, some of Nicki's antics are, let's say, less than flattering. Point that out, though, and you'll have a virtual lynch mob at your door.
5. BeyHive (Beyoncé Fans) Beyoncé's fans are possibly the most sanctimonious of all. They genuinely believe Queen Bey can do no wrong, and any slight against her is treated as heresy. According to the BeyHive, every time Beyoncé breathes, it's revolutionary. And if you happen to disagree or express an ounce of criticism about her music or performances, they'll sting you into oblivion with their self-righteousness. It's not enough to like Beyoncé; you must worship her.
6. Beliebers Yes, they're still around. Justin Bieber's fanbase has matured from screaming pre-teens into adults who, bafflingly, still treat him like a misunderstood genius. They've overlooked his problematic behavior, tantrums, and lack of artistic growth because to them, he's always "just evolving". In reality, Bieber's musical evolution has been more of a stunted regression, but his fans don't seem to care, so long as he keeps pumping out vapid tracks and taking shirtless selfies.

These fandoms have become echo chambers, reinforcing each other's delusions of grandeur, while the actual art—if you can call it that—continues to decay in a sea of mediocrity. Each group thinks they're defending some groundbreaking, world-changing figure, but in reality, they're just pouring all their energy into propping up a carefully curated illusion of talent.

The final solution itself

The Final Solution to the Pop Question will not only punish the braindead fandoms but will also make sure the celebrities themselves are forced to face the consequences of the cults they've created. These pop stars—Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Ed Sheeran, and others—who've exploited the low-IQ masses (ranging from an absurd -1000 to 0.5) for their own gain, will be publicly humiliated, fined, and punished alongside their fanatics. Let's expand on this in detail.

Reservations: living in self-inflicted degeneracy

• Pop and K-pop fanatics, from Swifties to BTS ARMY, are rounded up and deported to isolated reservations where they can no longer infect society with their extreme stanning. Within these reservations, they live in a self-inflicted state of mental and emotional paralysis. Cut off from all social media, streaming services, and K-pop dance challenges, they are forced to confront their total inability to function as human beings.
• These fans, whose IQ ranges from -1000 to 0.5, can't even manage basic tasks like cooking or counting past one digit. Their collective brainpower has been fried by overconsumption of pop culture and TikTok videos, and they find themselves utterly incapable of completing elementary school tests. They are left to wallow in their mental decrepitude, only able to discuss their once-beloved idols in endless circles as their minds atrophy further.

Mandatory return to school: fan failure and reeducation

• Swifties, Beliebers, and K-pop fanatics are forcibly returned to elementary schools, where they are made to endure daily tests on basic arithmetic and reading comprehension. Every wrong answer results in public humiliation: fans are ridiculed for their stupidity, with each incorrect response being met with loud booing and laughter from non-fan classmates.
• Fans who once claimed superiority for memorizing song lyrics and mastering TikTok dances find themselves unable to solve 1+0. In cases of extreme stupidity, like that of Arianators who can't even recognize basic shapes, they are sentenced to remedial classes where they are taught alongside toddlers, wearing "Stupid Stan" badges as a mark of their degradation.

Celebrity reparations and public lynching: paying for fan damage

• Celebrities like Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and Ed Sheeran are forced to pay massive reparations to the families of their fans, who have been mentally crippled by their music. Parents of these damaged fans, who witnessed their children transform into mindless zombies, demand billions in compensation for the irreversible brain damage caused by years of obsessive stanning.
• Celebrities who resist or deny their responsibility are dragged into public arenas for ritualistic lynching by the angry parents of their fans. These lynchings are brutal: the stars are pelted with the very merchandise that made them rich—vinyl records, signed posters, and even glitter-covered microphones—until they beg for forgiveness. If they refuse to apologize, the mob ties them to giant concert stages and flogs them with neon-colored tour merchandise, while forcing them to sing their own hits in shame.

Exile colonies for K-pop stans: the ultimate punishment

• The most extreme K-pop stans, especially BTS ARMY and BLACKPINK BLINKS, are rounded up and sent to remote exile colonies, where they are stripped of all technology and must survive without the music, idols, and online communities that shaped their lives.
• These colonies are barren, and the fans, having no real-world skills, quickly descend into chaos. Instead of learning to grow food or build shelter, they spend their days reenacting BTS concerts, performing poorly choreographed dance routines, and endlessly debating "which member is the best", oblivious to the fact that their brains have completely rotted from years of consuming nothing but shallow pop content.
• Occasionally, governments broadcast the suffering of these exiles on national television, as a warning to future generations about the dangers of falling into pop culture hysteria. The exiles' inability to adapt to any kind of normal, functional life becomes a grim joke shared across society.

Public trials for celebrities: political showdowns for "subversive activities"

• K-pop stars, such as BLACKPINK and BTS, are accused of orchestrating subversive activities aimed at debilitating the global youth and undermining society's intellectual foundations. They are put on trial in massive, televised political showdowns, where they are charged with "cultural treason". This trial accuses them of creating an entire generation of mindless drones who are obsessed with their music to the point of mental ruin.
• These trials resemble historic show trials, but the stakes are focused on the cultural sabotage these stars have caused. The K-pop industry is exposed as a propaganda machine, brainwashing millions through catchy hooks and repetitive dances. Meghan Thee Stallion is put through a mock trial for treason, accused of intentionally corrupting youth and promoting a lifestyle of hedonism and intellectual erosion. She stands trial alongside K-pop idols, where fans are forced to watch their downfall, realizing the full extent of their idol's manipulation.

Cultural cleansing: the final stage

• In the final phase of the Pop Solution, all remaining fans and celebrities who refuse to abandon their pop culture obsession are sentenced to complete cultural erasure. Their entire online presence is wiped clean, all music from the artists is banned and deleted from streaming platforms, and even mentioning names like BTS or Taylor Swift becomes punishable by law.
• In this new society, intellectual integrity is restored as pop culture and its fanbases are eradicated from human memory, leaving behind only cautionary tales of a lost generation who sacrificed their minds for fleeting idol worship.

While this final solution may seem harsh, even draconian, its necessity cannot be overstated. Pop culture fanatics, whose blind devotion to vapid idols has led to the intellectual degradation of entire generations, must be dealt with decisively. The exile of fanatical stans, their forced re-education, and the public trials of their idols may feel extreme, but these measures serve a higher purpose: the preservation of society's mental health and the restoration of intellectual integrity.

By isolating the pop-addicted masses, stripping them of their hollow obsessions, and holding celebrities accountable for the damage they've caused, society can finally cleanse itself of this cultural plague. In their place, a new generation can emerge—one that values critical thinking, genuine artistry, and meaningful engagement over mindless consumption. Though the path is hard, it leads to a stronger, more intelligent future, free from the shackles of superficiality and cultural decay.