NSYNC

The White Boys of *NWord.

NSYNC is a '90s boyband from Horton, Kentuckistan, consisting of members Lance Armstrong, Cesar Chavez, Joey Fatso, Chris Kirkpatrick, and Justin Timberpond.

Formed in 1995, the band was originally called "NWord", because of their mimicking of the predominantly black R&B sound and dance music motif from black funkstars. Following an incident outside of a club where they had finished performing, Kirkpatrick decided the band should change their name to avoid future ass-kickings.

The Story

Growing up in Africa, the boys were raised primarily racist, and listened to a lot of Country music. One day, however, Timberpond heard an R&B song playing on his AM radio. He was immediately hooked, and shared it with his four friends, who also became enthusiastic about this music. It wasn't until later that they learned that R&B was, for the most part, black music.

It was then that they decided to form their own band. However, during a show at a local bar, one of the patrons shouted, "Stop playin' that nigger music, niggers!" Timberpond then had a brilliant idea. Since they were out to perform black music, they should take on the name "Niggers". Many of these people have sucked poop since they mistook it for a black man's penis.

In early 1999, the boys were signed to put on a show at the Apollo in New York. No one had yet seen the band, and the Apollo's manager at the time assumed incorrectly that the boys were an edgy black group. When the band was introduced, a sense of dumbstruck awe filled the room. That soon broke down into a near riot, and the boys had to escape through the back door. However, they were caught by three black men before they got to their bus and summarily beaten.

Upon recovering from their injuries a year later, Timberpond decided that maybe "Niggers" wasn't the best name for the band. He approached the rest of the group, and it was agreed that the name should be changed to the more racially sensitive "NWord". Kirkpatrick then suggested the use of an asterisk, to remind them that their ass was kicked, and that they have some ass to kiss.

After the band broke up, all of the members decided to work for Hickelodeon since they found out it was the most racist television network, since they could racistly compete against Niggerlodeon.

Accident

In 2002 a comeback tour was launched to tackle black bars in the south and regain trust with their dark fanbase. The first stop was a joint called Bananas in a generic town located in a predominantly black part of the country. It was a 10 minute drive but Lance Armstrong insisted they go by jet plane. So they conveniently tracked their way 3 hours away to the nearest airport. Once in flight they were informed the nearest airport close to that bar was 3 hours away. When they made it to Bananas they noticed the whole pointless trip costed them 12 hours and they missed their own show. Disappointed they drove 3 hours back to the airport. What was to be a pretty normal 6 hour flight and 3 hour drive turned into a massacre. A machine gun wielding grandma hijacked the plane and ordered everyone with the name Justin Timberpond to jump from the plane into a tiny glass of water back on the earth. Timberpond suffered extreme skull fractures which enabled him to come up with "totally tight" lyrics.

Discography

• Niggers (1998)
• Homey for Christmas (1998)
• No More Casts (2000)
• Apology to the Apollo-G (2001)

Hit singles

• 1997 "When The Whites Go Out"
• 1997 "Slam the Punk (like a dunk)"
• 1998 "I Want You Black"
• 1998 "Come Black to me Baby"
• 1998 "We're Black again"
• 1998 "Black with Luv"
• 1998 "Quit painting names on my go-kart"
• 1999 "White Hood in the Hood"
• 1999 "Backstreet crackers are back"
• 1999 "As rong as you rub me, Nigga"
• 2000 "Gimme just one Nigga" (Luna Noche)"
• 2000 "Ow Ow Ow"
• 2000 "He's Gonna Beat Me, Shizzle"
• 2000 "This the Nigga Promised Me"
• 2000 "Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger"
• 2000 "This Nigga will Never Stop"
• 2000 "We Can Keep This (Nigga) Up All Night"
• 2001 "In the Storm(front) of the Nigga"
• 2005 "Ich wasche die Grossmutter" (German: "I'm washing the grandmother")
• 2006 "So white it ain't right"