Teenage sociology (british)

Teenage sociology is a heirarchical and complex arrangement with the reader's group at the top and other groups stemming down from it in order of least hated. This article discusses the system within a british secondary school or college. The colonies would call it High School, and then buy guns and burgers and talk in a terrible accent.

Overview

There are 5 main levels of rank, if viewed as a pecking order for invitations to parties (or "fo shizzle yeehah burger rodeos" for Americans).

Level 1 (rulers)

• Good Guys: These include those skilled at sport, attractive people and Head Boy/Girl if they are the popular kind.
• Bad Guys: These include chavs who are good at sport, chavs who are attractive (rare due to the face disease that plagues the working classes) and nasty bitchy attractive girls.
• Plastics: Although mostly as thick as a very thick thing encased in a 6ftX6ft block of concrete you should never EVER under any circumstances underestimate/piss off Plastics as their extended social circle (That includes everybody within a 6 mile radius and their mothers) will no doubt track you down and turn your liver into cherry flavoured lipgloss.

Level 1 teenagers have no natural predators but there is infighting for a struggle for power. With the exception of popular Head Boy/Girls, none of this group will get anywhere in life... ever... due to LACK OF REVISION.

Level 2 (Ordinators)

• Unions: These are tight knit societies of those who are able, but not willing to become members of Level 1. They Bitch and Gossip with great wit (not true in America) and as a united front have much more power than any of Level 1. they are therefore treated with respect by Level 1, so as to prevent a coup. This group includes all future politicians, television Historians and dentists. Unions occasionally include Level 3 members but no chavs, ever.
• Lovable Stoners: These are present or former drug users who are chilled to a comatose state and are always invited to parties. They are mostly harmless, except if they are called Indie Kids.
• Cool Chinese People: Nuff said.

Level 3 (Specialists)

• Nerds: Science and Maths obsessed genii. Survival of the fittest would emply that this group would get laid a lot more than they do. Will succeed in life to some extent. May become Nobel Laureates, teachers or billionaire owners of as yet inconceivable technological conglomerations. IQs from 135 upwards. Some have alter egos that are used in public, like Peter Parker who disguises himself as a sexy arthropod in order to avoid bullying. Play computer games such as Rome: Total War and Morrowind
• Geeks: Science Fiction obsessed curios who do well in school through revision. IQs from 110 upwards. Curly hair mostly, and even less sex than nerds. No friends outside internet. |\|008 633|<5 subservient to 1337 633|<5. Play computer games such as World of Warcraft or Runescape. Are |*\/\/|\|3[) by Nerds at everything that matters.
• "Sport geeks": Too much sport practise, too little social life. 1E-314 % will become professionals.

Level 4 (scum)

• Chavs: Labretta wearing slapheads, who are racist and deluded by default. Descended from Mods, but then infected with huge quantities of MOBO. Arch-enemies of emos, although they call anything with guitars, or any musical skill at all, emo. Three groups of Chavs are present in Britain: Niggers, Whiggers and Pakiggers.
• Freaks: Essentially Nerds and Geeks stripped of intellect. Many are dislexic although their condition is more fundamental. They only socialise with their own kind and none are attractive. Like quirky jewellery and talking about bunnies.
• Emos: Depressed Indie Kids that mutate into self-harming ponces. Skinny Jeans and lack of rap music are sole redeeming feature that has meant that in most societies they are preferential to Chavs. Have been noted for saying "Now who the fuck just said emo?!!" followed by an extreme bout of suicide.

Level 5 (untermenschen)

• Floaters: No friends at all, drift around doing nothing. Not intelligent enough to be geeks.
• Extremists: Due to divorce of parents, these "human" turn to hardline extremism and as a result have no fun but think that they are having more than everyone who doesn't go to A2J meetings or bomb places. Even worse than Drifters for the way that they let God impede Science. Constantly under attack from nerds, who always win the argumants but the Creationist scum never aknowledge defeat as they are no longer human, but brain-washed Zombies.

Wars

Several Battles and Cold Wars are in progress across the nation, between cliques (Britain, not America, as that is hardly a nation, more a swampy colony).

Pwn wars (Attack of the Pwns)

Geeks are at war with Nerds on the grounds that Nerds are more cleverer but aren't as good at computer games. Battles are fought between old-school 1337 internet geeks and nerds who have studied to become 1337 #4XX025 whilst at university studying Maths and Philosophy. Geeks generally win on their home territory, the internet, but Nerds can enlist higher classes of teen to aid them in Physical attacks.

Emos Vs Chavs

Chavs knife people, emos knife themselves. Chavs are afraid of talent damaging their music, Emos have tiny traces of talent in their music. Chavs always win in a fair fight, but generally lose in the long run due to LACK OF REVISION.

Everyone vs Chavs

Due to the way that they give Teenagers a bad name, everyone hates chavs. They are taken on in battles either outside Pubs or by shouting remarks across the street. A typical Exchange is:

• Chav 1: Oi!

• Chav 2: Let's rush him!

• Chav 3: Standard.

• Human: Please just leave me alone.

• Chav 4: Fuck you. Give me your phone blood.

• Human: Get some pubic hair and then tell me that, you stupid cretin. In 5 years you'll be living of my taxes, so you should worship me Ow Ow ow Ow Ow Shit Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow etc.

N.B These are particularly well spoken chavs as they are speaking in a language that somewhat resembles English. (That is English for any Americans reading this. American is not a language)

Level 1 infighting

Level 1 exists in a feudal system, so infighting through bitching and sleeping with other people's partners is used to climb the social ladder. Largely pointless, as nothing can be gained from higher rank.