Talk:Bible
The bible (also known as the buy-bull) was a RPG for the Nintendo Entertainment System reconized as a work of true imaginary genius dating from 1944 in the underground bunker of arch-angel Adolf Hitler. The story dates back to ancient Babylon where the Jews used it as propoganda against their Moron counter-parts. Hitler first heard of this book in 1848 while reading a copy of 'ZOO' magazine. He became intriged by it and ingeniusly decided to use the nazi regime to get his hands on it... to no avail. He had almost given up when, by luck he came across it while raping a young colonel by the name of Von Stauffenberg. Thus sparking up plot Valkyrie.
“The Book of life begins with a man and a woman in a garden. It ends with Revelations.”
That's a real Oscar Wilde quote, by the way. If someone who has an account would be kind enough to add it to this page, that would be much apreciated, as i'm too lazy to get one.
Measured and rational responses to some of the remarks below:[edit source]
1) of course you haven't time to read all of it, and nor should you. Life is too short to read a lot of drivel. The most effective readers read the first section with attention and respect, and scan through the rest. Then click on God's Guide to Parenting and feed your mind.
2) a careful analysis of the statement 'everybody knows the Bible was written by God" reveals its intellectual poverty. Read the article again, and you will see that the Old Testosterone was written by YHWH, and the New Temperament by a consortium of cults.
3) like the reader below, I haven't time to read the whole blasted, dreary, self-absorbed article, so I can't comment on the individual comments on the Books of the Bible.
--WeaverBird 15:30, 21 December 2006 (UTC)
Where's the contradiction? I haven't time to read all of it.
Look below! It shows that the guy doesn't know the meaning of Uncyclopedia.
This entry directly contradicts the entry on God! Everybody knows the Bible was written by God!
I demand changes be made to this entry that give God credit for His writing!
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.[edit source]
Consistency is irrelevant. Isolated pieces of information is paramount. There is security in truth, and truth in security. (See also http://www.sableshuck.com/index.php ) --Drauh 06:59, 8 Jan 2005 (EST)
Intro
the Bible is one of the most contraversial books in history. It has been banned by many Fundemaltalist Christians becasue of its "obscene amounts of sex and violence". One Fundementalist Christian was quoted as saying "this filth should not be allowed in our schools! My mother taught me to oppose such immoral teachings, but these Bible Freaks are cramming this outrageous blasphemy down our throats!".
The Bible was written by J.K.P. Roling, who's name I have just made up.
This is all such a farce! Everyone knows President George Bush is "GOD"! The bible is all about, how he conspired with his Angels to enslave the world. And of course everyone knows that when God appeared to Moses as the Burning Bush and asked him to have all men follow the ten commandments, Moses said with fear in his eyes; "But God what should I tell the women?", and then God the Bush said, "Well for them I have only one Commandment and that's {Women's one commandment:"Shut the fuck up and give me head"}". The following is a list of the "Ten Commandments" as delivered from God's Bush and written with his dick on a stone tablet:
(1.) Thou shalt do unto others as you do me and I do you in the ass.
(2.) Don't take my wife's bush in vain. She's been fucked before and you'll know it as it's so tight. I think, honestly I don't remember. I think it's right? I only know one thing my penis is known for it's tremendiously a...a...large..no a.. tiny size, well I'm not sure, wife says it's tiny and the 13 yr old virgin Mary said I'm oh so big. What do you think? heehee
(3.) Ah....a....a I forgot this one. "Darn, darn, darn, I always forget this one", Lord Bush said.
(4.) Hey! I can't remember which I created first, Adam or Eve. How do you expect me to remember this one, I can't remember to take a shit half the time (Maybe that's why people say I'm full of it?).
(5.) Let me ask my wife about this one.
(6.) Oh I think this is the one ah....a....a Thou shalt not steal My Money, I've made from selling weed or sending kids to Iraq to die in order to decrease the population. You know, since I've declared abortion illegal.
(7.) Thou shalt never, ever, ever take all my toy soldiers away. So what if a few die everyday, in the end I'll rule the world! And maybe a...a...even the whole a...a..Universe!
(8.) Thou shalt never, ever, ever, make me look dumber than I really am.
(9.) Thou shalt forever honor me with your tax dollars to spend now as I wish for generations.
(10.) Thou shalt always have an urge to piss on me to put the fire out or me out of office (As God of your nation) forever more.
I hereby request that the afore mentioned text be inserted in everyone's ass and on the front page as well. If anyone disagrees, well I'll piss on ya!
--sesoM 13:13, 9 Mar. 2006 (EST)
Robertson=Colbert?[edit source]
The Pat Robertson quote at the beginning of the article sounds a lot like something Stephen Colbert said on his show (The Colbert Report) once or twice. Now, maybe he stole the words, or maybe I'm out of sync with mainstream society (the second one by default), but I don't know who this Pat Robertson guy is. Mind you, I'll look on Wikipedia to check, but I'm just saying: there is only one logical explanation the way I see it. The two are the same person. *Gasp!* Or maybe I'm just spewing bat shit -- either way, who would it sound better coming from: Robertson, or Colbert? Someone reply with an answer (keep your slanderous comments to yourself).-- DiZ (Worship me!) (Join me!) (Praise me!) (20:59, 22 June 2006 (UTC)
Descriptions for Books of the Bible[edit source]
Among other things on this page, I recommend that some of the individual descriptions next to Books of the Bible be reviewed and/or re-written. GravityIsForSuckers 15:49, 25 September 2006 (UTC)
Similarites[edit source]
Ummm...does anyone seem to notice that the first paragraph of this article mirrors ED's??? --Paganpoetry005 23:42, 4 April 2007 (UTC)
Bible II[edit source]
I can't add it in, but it'd be great if someone could link this page to Bible 2 or something. Spiderhax 08:45, 17 August 2007 (UTC)
Recommend we add this in somewhere ...[edit source]
"That terribly depressing story about the chap who gets born on Christmas Day, shoots his mouth off about everything under the sun, and then comes a cropper with a couple of rum coves on top of a hill in Johnny Arab land." - Oscar Wilde, on the Bible.
(If you don't recognise the quote, it is from Blackadder's Christmas Carol).
Interwiki[edit source]
Please add russian interwiki ru:Библия to text.
Something about the various film adaptions?[edit source]
There has been many throughout the years.
fuckin atheists
Quote or fact?[edit source]
I heard of this somewhere: "The original name for the Bible used to be Chuck Norris and Friends" How bout we put that in there? Dumb Idea I know... Wanbliwakita 00:08, 23 December 2008 (UTC) Sorry for big text, somethings wrong! Unintentional... Wanbliwakita 00:09, 23 December 2008 (UTC)
- I fixed the large text. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:32, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
To continue your educational readings, buy 'Bible- The Graphic Novel' for all your porno needs at the cheap price of $19.99 from your local Door-Mart today. : )
Editing[edit source]
Why cant the main page be edited?
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY THE MAIN ARTICLE CANT BE EDITED????? Has it been protected? But why? ShoeGal 15:04, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
- Semi-protect. New accounts and IPs cannot edit it to hopefully prevent vandalism. --EMC [TALK] 20:50, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
So how many days after you make an account can you edit the main page?
Moar stuff:[edit source]
The Bible is probably the best book ever. You can use it as a coaster, hit people with it, look funny and quote it, eat the pages, fire fuel, toilet paper, start a war, control the stoopid people of the world, read it and become president, Hanaukkah present, piss off the Muslims, and turn back the clock. 80.186.224.186 13:31, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
Ezekiel 23:21...[edit source]
There has GOT to be a place for this verse on here somewhere...no?
Cool Story, Bro pipes to Bible[edit source]
I created the "Cool Story, Bro" page and piped it to the Bible Page. Good idea? 83.100.212.100 12:00, November 10, 2010 (UTC)
Maybe someone should go through and reverse controversial non-funny edits?[edit source]
A topic such as this is bound to attract a certain sort of unfunny vandalism. Someone (or someones) who can be trusted with the task should probably go through the article, find statements that are both controversial/offensive and not funny, track down the edit in which they appeared, and reverse that portion of the edit (by hand, since it can't be reverted if it's not recent).
Fairy tale[edit source]
I would take the fairy tale phrase from the first pragraph. It's one of the most crummy insults by atheists, and people can see it on every forums. It is not supposed to be funny, just insultive, but now it's boring due to overuse. --95.168.81.28 (talk) 05:42, 21 October 2018 (UTC)
Edit Proposion.[edit source]
In the intro, it should be Said that it got an award for "Most Confusing Use of Time Travel in Historical Fantasy" Greencat Quark 22:19, 24 August 2022 (UTC)
Or that about NT's Book of Révélation Greencat Quark 22:21, 24 August 2022 (UTC)
