Scarves
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Scarves, you may know, are fashion accouterments worn usually around the neck or tied rather strongly as to cut off circulation to limbs which have been targeted by either an assailant of yours or yourself if you are a flagellant. They were initially discovered by Captain Jesus and William Shakespear as they played a competitive game of under-water scrabble sometime in the future when a strand of long kelp wrapped its self about Shakespear's neck, causing him in his asphyxiant stupor to utter the exact words needed to open a portal in the time-space continuum; sucking him into the past. There he was discovered, the kelp removed, and he went on to lead a successful life as a play-write while fathering his own great-great-great-great-great granddad. Scarves are forged from a variety of synthetic materials - some of which are the more simple wool, cotton etc, others, for the more adventurous can include wood and/or cooled magma. It is not uncommon for there to be patterns embellished upon said scarves.
Where I'm Going with This[edit | edit source]
As you may be aware, there is a increasing multitude of scarves being seen about. This is probably due to the fact that our society is now in constant need to be looking as fashionable as possibly, if it is to stand up to the Social Society Gods like America and England and stray away from its current friendship circle consisting of less desirables such as Andorra and the Vatican City (which we all know isn't really a country and should really just stop trying so hard, because even Morocco stated that he was annoying and they've been going out for like six months.)
And yet, at schools such as my own, scarves have been banned during class, and their adornment strictly restricted to outside of class, with disobedience punishable by acidic castration. This has lead to many questions, many of which the teachers have avoided, adopting facades not unlike 'It's just the rules, okay?'
But why is this the case?
The most probable, and indeed feasible reason fathomable, is that there is a conspiracy behind the scarves which we the students do not, and furthermore are not meant to, know about.
The Conspiracy[edit | edit source]
Following trusted scientific investigation by the same people responsible for the re-discovery of South America, such serendipitous ascertainments as the triangle and the proposal of such philosophical questions as 'Why do men have nipples?', it was found that males who wore scarves were found to be 13% more homosexual.
While it is not confirmed as we have thus far been unable to infiltrate the Teacher's ranks, there is speculation that this is the reason that teachers are demanding that their students wear scarves as little as possible. Further speculation is that this is a direct result of teacher's homophobia.
The teachers either do not like, do not agree with, are scared by, or just dicks, but we are near-positive that the reason behind the conspiracy is that teachers are homophobic.
Other Conspiracies[edit | edit source]
All teachers are themselves homosexual. They order us not to wear scarves lest their sexual urges become too rampant and they are forced into seducing their students by unrestrained hormones.
Scarves and Teachers are actually participants in a inter-galactic, and quite probably pan-dimensional, war. The parasitic scarves, needing a human host from whom they gain their energy, are ordered from the necks of us students by teachers so as the scarves die. The scarves doing nothing about it as they require inactivity to go about their work of constantly emitting radiation within a ten-centimeter radius which goes on to cause all kinds of problems for the humans wearing them.
