Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Coleridge in 1795.

This page is about the nineteenth century English poet. For someone with not even the most tangential links to Coleridge's life and works, and dissimilar in name, see Mr. T.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge (31 October 1772 – 4 July 1834) was a Romanto–Celtic Freemason, communist, wordsworth, wordsmith, musician, and bard of the 18th and 19th centuries. He was skilled in the lyrical arts, general horseplay, and vices such as debauchery, tomfoolery, drinking, and the use of hard drugs. Coleridge said, "Methinks lest I die, it shall be because I taketh too much gin and juice."

Literary career

Coleridge is probably best known for his poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Since any fuckwit knows that it's spelt 'rhyme', not 'mariner', we can safely conclude Coleridge probably suffered from severe dyslexia and hence stole almost all of his poems from Patron Saint Oscar Wilde. He also wrote a poem entitled "Xanadu", but he was pretty messed-up at the time after tripping for some inspiration on that one, and did not complete it. Thus, this work was later finished by Neil Peart and Olivia Newton-John.

Musical career

Coleridge is also famous for triggering the Albatross War between humans and albatrosses after killing an albatross, dipping it in gold, and wearing that bling on the cover of his bestselling phonograph album The RYYYHME of the Ancient Marinader. The provocation lead to his death in 1834 at the hands of a albatross gang, and later to the war which continues to this day.

After Coleridge's death his fame as a musician increased greatly, leading to a series of albums released posthumously under his stage name, S.T. Cole. Increasingly desperate attempts to cash-in on his legend led to a series of ill-conceived duet albums, where living people attempted to pretend the dead guy was still there and singing with them, ultimately cheapening the legacy of the greatest albatross killer in history.

Discography

Released while living:

• The RYYYHME of the Ancient Marinade (1798) (9x Platinum UK)

Released (officially) posthumously:

• Makaveli: The Albatrazz duz Killuminati: 7 Day Theory (as St Coal) (1996) (5x Platinum UK)
• R U Still Down? (Remember Me) (1997) (4x Platinum UK)
• S.T.'s Greatest Hits (1998) (9x Platinum UK)
• Still I Rise (with Tha Writaz) (1999) (2x Platinum UK)
• The Bird That Grew from Concrete (2000)
• Until the End of Time (2001) (4x Platinum UK)
• Better Dayz (2002) (3x Platinum UK)
• S.T. Cole: Resurrection (OST) (2003) (Platinum UK)
• Nu-Mixx Klazzics (2003)
• S.T. Cole Live (2004)
• Loyal to the Game (2004) (Platinum UK)
• The Rose, Vol. 2 (with Kenny G) (2005)
• Live at the House of Blues (with the Catz Pound) (2005)
• Shameezz Cazzh Inz (with the Wazzhed-Out Starz) (2006)

In popular culture

In 2003, Coleridge was listed in The Observer as one of the 50 Funniest Acts in British Comedy.

Coleridge is referred to in episodes 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 11, 13, 20, 23, and 26 of NYPD Blue. Nick Offerman starred as Coleridge in all eleven.

See also

• Oscar Wilde
• William Shakespeare
• William Wordsworth
• John Keats
• Lord Byron