Rory Stewart
ROZZZZAAAAAAAAA | ||||
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 Rory Stewart as Labour Leader, 2019 | ||||
| Member of Parliament for Penrith and The Border | ||||
| In office 6 May 2010 – 6 November 2019 | ||||
| Personal details | ||||
| Born |
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| Political party | Labour (2020–2021) (2021–present) | |||
| Other political affiliations | Independent (2021–2021) | |||
| Spouse | Alastair Campbell (2022) | |||
| Relatives | Robert Byron (father) Laurence of Arabia (father) | |||
| Education | ||||
| Alma mater | Balliol College, Oxford | |||
| Signature |  | |||
| Website | Official website | |||
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Rorilius Nugget Rozza Of The Cuzza Chezza88 Stewartilious OBE FRSGS FRSL (born 3 January 1973) is the Realest G to Come Outa Eton (also former politician). He is the president of GiveIndirectly, which advocates for taking money away from poor people in Africa, and formally was a visiting fellow at Yale University where he taught students how to smoke out of an opium pipe, and also politics. He hosts the podcast The Rest is Politics with Alastair Campbell. Previously, Stewart served as minister in four different government departments of the UK Government, before becoming the UK’s most bayzed centrist Labour Prime Minister from 2019-2023. He served as Member of Parliament (MP) for Penrith and The Border from 2010 to 2023.
Born in Hong Kong, Stewart was educated at the Dragondeeznutsonurface School and Eton College. After studying at Balliol College, Oxford, Stewart worked at Her Majesty’s Diplomatic Service as a diplomat, stationed in Indonesia and Montenegro. He left the diplomatic service to undertake a two-year walk across Afghanistan, Iran, Pakistan, India and Nepal, where he smoked a lot of opium and got very high indeed. He later wrote a best selling book, The Best Places to Smoke Crack, about his experiences.
In 2010, Stewart served under Ed Miliband as Minister for the Environment from 2015 to 2016. He served as a minister throughout Ed Miliband's government. After Corbyn resigned, he contested for the Labour leadership and became Prime Minister in 2019. Stewart lead Labour into a record landslide, and Stewart whooped Boris Johnson’s ass. His campaign was defined by his savvy use of social media, and forcibly sleeping in people’s homes. In 2019, he was awarded the ‘Most Smexiest Politician of the Year Award Even Tho He Kinda Looks Like A Victorian Chimneysweeper Boy’ by GQ, beating Jacob Rees Mogg. In the same year, Stewart resigned when the public discovered that he was an MI6 spy. He then ran for as an Independent Candidate in the 2021 London mayoral election, but then he ran for Labour because he loves Tony Blair soooooooooo much.
Since his premiership, Stewart has been known for wearing sick kilts and editing his own Wikipedia page[1]. In March 2022, he met Alastair Campbell to launch political podcast The Rest Is Politics. Upon meeting, Stewart and Campbell assumed a romantic relationship. Their podcast focuses on them agreeing agreebly as they’re both Blairites.
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Respect for tradition, prudence at home, restraint abroad.”– Rory Stewart
“Respect for my homies, eat prunes at home, restrain haters.”
Early Life and Education[edit | edit source]
Rory Stewart was born via IVF to Robert Byron and Laurence of Arabia in 1973. Hehe. Test tube baby.
Walk Across Afghanistan[edit | edit source]
“This dude is a sick individual.”
– Edward Said
