Responsibility Land

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People who are always doing the right thing and studying the right books come in many colors, as does my girlfriend when she's 'shrooming. 'Shrooming responsibly, that is!

Responsibility Land is the distant cousin to the world's best amusement parks. Instead of having fun, when people arrive they are locked inside modern-day houses or a cramped urban apartment and are expected to have responsibilities, like feeding the hamster or changing your daughter's diapers (the two tasks can sometimes be combined). The theme park is located across the road from FunLand where people from that park laugh at their neighbors in Responsibility Land on the hour every hour. Admission to Responsibility Land is free (signing life away, semi-optional) and guests are only asked to leave when they misbehave, molest their assigned daughter, or for reasons too horrid to speak of in mixed company. The park makes its money from "taxing" its occupants at every opportunity, making sure that people who enter Responsibility Land have no money when they emerge scathered.

The televisions in Responsibility Land show nothing but Lifetime: Television for Women and Homosexual Men, and ABC (which runs a continuous loop of Desperate Housewives). Masturbating is prohibited at all times, since that is shirking (and shrinking!) responsibility.

Other things prohibited in Responsibility Land include meat, alcohol, non-educational toys, contact sports, drugs, and reruns of Gilligan's Island (because of that tart, Ginger). The capital of Responsibility Land is Responsibility City which has nothing but work, schools, churches, and prisons. According to Money Magazine, people in Responsibility City are some of the wealthiest in the world. Bill Gates and even The Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz have residential addresses in Responsibility City (although they do have their hideaways in Funland).

Attractions of Responsibility Land[edit]

  • San Frangeles 2032 Land (complete with Hollywood/Castro Street Stimulation Land and Chocolate Tunnel of Love Ride)
  • Mission to Married Bliss Land (where you get laid once a month, never get blown again, and collect as many chores as there are flies on your dad's jockstrap)
  • Halfway-House Land (where you are halfway to normal, but still screwed up in the head)
  • New Order Nation Land (very popular with people who liked Revolution X for its arcade and video game spinoffs)
  • Work All-The-Live-Long-Day Land
  • Having a Wife, Daughter, and Dog Land
  • Minimum Wage Land (the workers in Responsibility Land all live here)
  • Belonging to a Trade Union Land (and its natural enemy, WalMart World)