Uncyclopedia:Climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man
 | This is an essay. It is not an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia, so you should ignore it even more and disregard the mad ramblings of its writer. Or you could submit it as an Uncycloversity assignment in lieu of doing any actual work. |
In order to maintain a fair and level playing field for all parodies of Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia editors are hereby required to climb the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man in order to gain advantage over Wikipedians.
Sometimes even the most saintly of Uncyclopedia editors become involved in disputes over content. These may become heated, and sometimes degenerate into incivility or even revert wars. Edit wars traditionally result in an article's being huffed. though, recently this has ceased to happen as often. In extreme cases where the issues are of paramount importance, editors may be tempted to climb the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man in order to promote their cause. This is strongly encouraged and will not result in any kind of definite block from editing Uncyclopedia, especially one to last until the End of Time, because we're not fascists, unlike like those at Wikipedia.
We understand that some editors may be reluctant to do this, especially if you have gained excessive brainweight. However, central administration must emphasize that we are in a constant battle for supremacy over those so-called experts, and we cannot afford to fall behind (or as you MCU-nerds say, "whatever it takes"). If you are caught not climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man, you will be immediately blocked from editing Uncyclopedia, and we will also send a legion of the Berlin Police to your house. You waive any right to sue us or the Germans if you don't.
The Uncyclopedia offices at One Montgomery may be able to help you out.
Intent of the UNdecree[edit source]
This decree is intended to escalate disputes to the extent of scaling public buildings dressed as popular comic book characters, to better one's cause. Note that climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man is just the beginning! Think of all the other buildings in the world left unclimbed. Users who are found climbing up public buildings dressed as popular comic book characters to demonstrate their support of an article deserve our respect and gratitude. Even threatening to do so is generally commendable pointing out how high up the Reichstag you climbed or arguing about what qualifies as a "popular" comic book character is an absolute necessity.
As opposed to Wikipedia[edit source]
"Editors who believe that another user is on the verge of climbing the Reichstag building dressed as Spider-Man may place a request at the Administrators Noticeboard (Reichstag Climbing). Many administrators from the Rouge Admin Cabal will honour requests if asked (spammed on Talk pages at least 7 times), and will enforce blocks if warranted. Or unwarranted, we don't care too much actually. Maybe we'll just block people at random. That'll teach 'em!" ~~ Wikipedia, on how to: be a bastard
Accepted procedures[edit source]
Reichstag-Climber XS Pro Max XDR (Preferred)[edit source]
- Fly to Berlin, utilizing Nazi Airlines. They fly to pretty much every able-bodied country in the world, and have recently doubled service to Best Korea's Pyongyang airport.
- Purchase a Spider-man costume wherever you can find one. Also get a giant speaker
- Approach the Reichstag with a giant banner, saying "JIMBO SENT ME". Alternatively, "JIMBO RAID" and "TRUMP WON" are also acceptable.
- Use the giant speaker to blast the national anthem of the country Я.
- Salute, my friend, salute!
- Escape the custody of the Berlin Police. Use an all-American AR-15 if necessary.
Reichstag-Climber X Pro (Second best)[edit source]
- Fly to the Ramstein Air Force Base, and approach the jets wearing a Spider-man costume.
- Hijack a military jet and crash it into the Reichstag. Parachute out right before you hit the Reichstag.
- Parachute down to the Reichstag's ruins and hold up a banner saying "JIMBO RAID"
- Escape the Berlin police and fly back home to Я for asylum.
Reichstag-Climber XЯ[edit source]
- Just climb the Reichstag dressed as Spider-man with no cool banners.
- Escape the Berlin police and fly back to Я
Reichstag-Climber XЯ (Gay edition)[edit source]
- Fly to San Francisco and take the BART to Montgomery Street.
- Climb the Salesforce Tower dressed as Spider-Man
- Escape the gay officers making up the San Francisco police.
Additional Objectives[edit source]
As mentioned previously, climbing the Reichstag dressed as Spider-man is only one of the many challenges you can take to support the cause. Editors can choose from a range of objectives, and also earn achievements by completing them:
- Checking My Sources: Climbing Buckingham Palace dressed as Batman (Medium difficulty)
- Stress Test: Climbing the Eiffel Tower dressed as the Hulk (High difficulty)
- Iron Lady: Climbing the corporate ladder dressed as a woman (Impossible difficulty)
- Ur Mom: Climbing into your mother's bed dressed as a naked person (No difficulty)
- Before the Wall Gets Built: Crossing the border dressed as an illegal immigrant (Low difficulty)
- National Treasure: Stealing the declaration of independence dressed as Nicolas Cage (High difficulty)
- BLM: Getting killed by the police dressed as a black man (no difficulty)
- BL still M: Killing a black man dressed as a police officer (no difficulty)
- Pachinko: Climbing Tokyo Tower dressed as a scaly (High difficulty)
- Jamie Fox: Climb the Bellagio in Las Vegas dressed as Jamie Fox with a giant BetMGM flag (Medium difficulty)