Nexon
“Because we can and it's free! Well, for a while anyway.”
Nexon is the company responsible for popular mind-consuming MMORPGs like MapleStory (also known as "MapleSyrup" or "AppleTree" in some parts of the world), Audition, and KartRider (obviously not taken from the title Line Rider). Founded on June 12 in 1994 by Hitler, Nexon prides itself in being the first company in the history of the world to ever successfully unite those who hated it and those who were nice to it at school in absolutely loathing it.
Pioneering[edit | edit source]
Seeing as there were so many miserable children in the world, Nexon decided to make some nice games for the kids to play so they wouldn't have to suffer from doing their homework or chores or anything like that. Parents were overjoyed that their children were no longer being functional members of society and instead were spending every waking hour that they weren't eating or sleeping or crapping playing these games.
Microtransactions[edit | edit source]
Nexon was the first company to test the "item" business. Basically what this means is they would make an addicting game to play, get lots and lots of people to play it, then add a special option of giving Nexon money for "NX Cash" to purchase "items" in the game. While this may have seemed exciting when first introduced, more and more kids began to steal money from their mothers' purses and purchase NX. Soon 312% of the population was using these items, many of which were really "enhancements", and non-users, those who couldn't afford NX or were just too damn lazy to get off their asses and go to Target to buy some, were often beaten and burned at the stake. One case in 2002 resulted in severe depression that caused the non-user to attempt to rob a bank in a desperate search for some NX. Unfortunately it was really a blood bank and the non-user was sent to a mental institution, where he made lots of new friends and made a full recovery to a functional member of society.
Anyway, it became customary in time for everyone to have these items, and if you didn't have them you were doomed to fall in the rankings for eternity. Unless, of course, you hack; but then you risk having your hard-earned character and rankings being banned by a GM (Girly Man). However, studies have shown that the purchasing of NX Cash greatly offsets your chances of being banned if you hack. This is because Nexon likes stalking their customers.
Nexon America[edit | edit source]
After the incident of the young non-user, seeing as Nexon lost a customer, Nexon branched off into the United States and wrought havoc. They brought with them all of their MMORPGs that they made for the sad little kids of the world and added "America" to their name, so that the people of the United States would feel special. Deciding to bring MapleStory to the American population first, Nexon collaborated with the programming company Wizet. Hiding behind Wizet, Nexon gained the trust of approximately 1,298,474 users before revealing itself, along with its Cash Shop of items (enhancements) to be bought with NX Cash.
One year after releasing MapleStory under Wizet, Nexon began to get power-hungry and put its name on everything. They took over the MapleStory Global (the North American version of MapleStory) website in gradual steps, leading to the complete domination of the game within three years of its release. So now, not only did they have complete financial control over the game's players, but they also had control over the contents of the game itself. It is theorized that this bold move of Nexon's is aimed at taking over the United States, thus dominating the entire North American economy.
It has long been known that Hitler, the creator of Nexon, has always held a tense relationship with George W. Bush. In his attempt to invade on the minds of young American gamers in order to get to Bush, Hitler imposed many subliminal messages within the game, including the foreshortened word "pot" (short for potions), used frequently, such as in the phrase, "I need to get more pot." After a while, though, however much it was that most of the gaming population had begun growing their own pot and using it frequently in their outside lives (existence: indeterminable), this wasn't enough for Hitler. He wanted to create a noticeable change amongst the American youngsters (oh and some Canadians, and all those Mexican hackers) that would catch Mr. Bush offguard. Therefore, Hitler ordered the word jew to be banned within the game upon patch version 0.42, along with other things like Jap, Christ, and his own name. Though no one is sure, it is widely believed that Hitler had his own name banned so as to hide the fact that he was behind Nexon Corporations from silly Americans. However, Hitler chose to un-ban the word "semen". Why he did this is beyond any of us.
Update: With version 0.45 or something, the words Jap, Christ, and Jew were finally unbanned. Hitler however remains banned, along with Nazi. It is postulated that Nexon may be in denial of the Holocaust.
Game Updates[edit | edit source]
Recently, Nexon has added a new function where a person can buy a pet using NX Cash, and it will follow their character around eating any items it finds, eventually becoming so large that the owner is no longer able to control it. When two pet owners are near each other, their pets will make love, creating another brand new pet. However, responsibility for the medical bills will fall with the owner of the female pet, and add up to more than the cost of simply buying a new pet. Here's a picture of the new function. Note how realistic it is! The pets can even communicate to their owners, or to each other while making love. They're also not shy to do so in front of others! This is just another reason why everybody loves Nexon.
With the new web login deployed, Nexon added the maintenance feature free of charge to its loyal customers. Every few days, Nexon will randomly feature the maintenance down time. At this point they will shut the service and access down for 8-10 hours to reboot the Commodore VIC-20 servers. Holding to the great care Nexon puts towards customer satisfaction, the maintenance times will be extended at a random time period of 3 to 72 hours drawn by Nexon's magical panda.
System Information[edit | edit source]
Nexon is using an exclusive 56k modem internet connection. Running on an outstanding 7.15909 MHz microprocessor and with 16/32MB RAM, the players of MapleStory never have any difficulty dodging the frozen monsters that move in the same spot and navigate themselves to victory.
Below is a screenshot of a typical day of gameplay MapleStory players see.
Customer Service[edit | edit source]
Nexon is also known to have one of the most helpful staffs in all of game-producing companies. In 1994, before setting up a customer support service, it won the National MMORPG Producers' award for most reliable customer service, and again in 1892.
Most notable about Nexon's customer service is the helpful, insightful responses that it sends to its customers in need. One customer placed a ticket with Nexon about his account's hacked information, and received a response within a year telling him exactly what to do. He gave all the needed information, and only two days later, Nexon sent the same exact e-mail to him again! Now is that service or what? Other users report completely useless responses (such as "We are working on this, but due to the subject nature, we cannot tell you what we are doing about it, so fuck you") or even complete lack of response. It is no wonder that Nexon's customers love it so much.
Nexon is 100% behind the ticketing system. It allows them to filter out all the important tickets and only let the apreciation feedbacks through the filter. One young boy, Tommy W., sent a ticket to Nexon, trusting that he would get a reply soon. After 13 days he received a reply from a GM, simply reading, "Dammit, how did you get through our filter? It makes us do more work!" and shortly thereafter his ticket was closed. Little Tommy never got to play his character again.
Nexon's customer service has even been referred analogously to Guantanamo Bay, the legal loop hole of America. Guantanamo Bay can keep prisoners without trial indefinitely because it is not bound by laws of the United States. Likewise, Nexon is able to hold steadfast to its rules of not allowing customers to change emails. In the event of a customer losing access to their email address regardless of circumstances, the customer can click on the "find p/w" button so a random password can be sent to that lost email account. In doing so, the customer can completely lose access. If the customer creates another account, Nexon's customer service can use their rule loophole of not helping that customer because all inquiries about an account must be logged with that account. Now the customer is unable to enter their account to log an inquiry thus condemning that account. This is an incredible part of Nexon's customer support system. The loop holes or gray areas must have taken years of thought and guile to implement. A customer can always create another account and spend money all over again. Nexon should be proud of this innovation. It is a class leading example of excellent customer service.
Nexon also claims legal ownership of all items, accounts, characters and names in MapleStory. Should they one day have a grudge against young Tom or Sally, they can easily revoke their accounts and claim legal ownership. For those customers that seek to have their accounts returned to them regardless of circumstances, whether it is a technical fault or fraud, Nexon can be very helpful in saying they own those accounts now, we don't have any obligation to help you. Please create a new account and spend more money there. Again, an example of genuine care towards its customers.
The ten support staff in their office are super humans. They are able to service a population of 5 million players. They don't need sleep and are able to type at 200,000 words per minute in their responses to the player's inquiries. One of them, Johnny G, a 7 year old prodigy game master can automatically reply to 100 inquiries per second! The amazing Nexon customer support staff are world class.
Did you wait for the best part? Only GMs can understand other GMs.
Words or phrases used to describe Nexon's bad customer service: Nazi Support, waste of time, broken, Nexon Support (Used in refrence of any other said games that have close to just as bad customer support as Nexon), Crap, ect.
Combat Arms[edit | edit source]
On July 29, 2009, Nexon America initiated a plan to take over the world. This was known as the game "Combat Arms". It came a long way, and people enjoyed it for a while. Now the game is full of hackers. When in any game, it seems as if the whole game is full of hackers. There is no way to hide and there is no chance of you playing in a legit game. The only time you would ever forget about hackers is when you're playing a mode called Fireteam. You can go and try it and see why soon if Nexon don't fix their problem no one but hackers will be playing this game. I have been playing for a long time and I would like to say what they're not saying and that the game is a pretty damn stressful game. There are times you might actually have fun, but those times are so rare and every game or room you go in there a 80%-94% chance that there be a hacker. Nexon doesn't care about their costumers, just how to make money. Only the player that are low ranks and haven't bought any NX would be winning the great thing like perms from boxes and more.
Also, did a 12 year old write this? Holy terrible writing, batman! I'd take some time and rewrite this, but in all honesty, the pile of shit known as Combat Arms just isn't worth it.
Another user: I know, right?
Characters
Combat Arms is one of Nexon's proudest FPS shooters. Nexon is a grand supporter of anti-racism so they allow you to choose an Asian character, a white character or a black character. The black female character has a 10% speed boost... You can pay Nexon cash to use other characters that have heavier armour or can run faster. Because it's not like that's paying to win, right? But it seems Nexon always has it flaws. They are highly sexist. How? Men have two heads. Yes you heard me. The male characters can be shot in either the head or in the nuts for a quick, one-hit kill. Sadly the females do not have nuts and therefore have a huge advantage. There has been rumors that an anti sexist male group of Combat Arms has developed Squirrel Aids to fight against the predominant females.
Guns
Combat Arms has a very nifty feature for weapons. They provide you with the free nooby gunners package. This amazing package cannot possibly be any worse then being Rick Rolled. For once Nexon proudly presents you with a permanent item, but it is in their plot. The free permanent starter weapon is so bad that it will literally make you cry. After crying, you will be forced to buy a new weapon with nexon cash to wipe your tears with. Good marketing strategy Nexon! Nexon provides the game with numerous updates, which all consist of awesome guns. The drawback is that these guns have to be bought with real money. Japanese Scientist Kitoyomo Hatekashi has an ongoing study. Shockingly with the amount of money you spend on guns for this game you can afford real guns in real life. He advises that we should buy real guns, because Combat Arm's guns will not protect us from the zombie invasion.
Dungeon Fighter[edit | edit source]
Nexon America is a cheap rip off of the real Nexon Korea. Well, at least they are better than Runescape. This game has a few eye catchers when you start off. The priests in this game do not only look hot and sexy, but they are ripped. The priests have the punching power of a gorilla and the manlihood of an insect. The subclass "Exorcist" of the priest is extremely overpowered. All you need is one of those. Don't even get me started on the PvP nerds. More than half of the people that play that game are complete nerds. They need to get lives. Like you.
The Cash Shop
1. You buy a 5k Nexon Cash card at a store.
2. You enter it on the website.
3. You buy a Pet egg and sell it for 7M.
4. You still have 3.5k Nexon Cash left. (Seriously)
5. You buy another one.
6. You buy the best items there are every 5 levels and complete the game in 3 weeks because you already flunked school playing Maplestory.
7. You get bored and create another character just for the fun of it.
8. You go back to the store.
THE LIFE OF A NERD.