Mary, Did You Know?
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Mary, did you know...
...that abstinence isn't always effective?
- ...that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ...that your baby boy has walked where angels trot? Criss Angel, that is.
- ...that Crissmas would be a really cool holiday?
- ...that you were conceived without the stain of original sin? Don't ask us how we know this.
- ...that it is better to be full of grace than full of crap?
- ...that you are "blessed among women", with the exception of Jael and Judith because they were good at killing enemies in their sleep?
- ...that in Soviet Jerusalem, this child that you've delivered will soon deliver YOU!!
- ...the blind will see?
- ...the deaf will hear?
- ...the dead will live again?
- ...the lame will leap?
- ...the dumb will speak....
- ....the praises OF THE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMB!
- ...that there's no room in the inn and you are thusly up shit creek without a paddle?
- ...that you shouldn't really call it a "silent night" when angels are blasting frickin' trumpets and waking up the neighbors at the most ungodly hour?
- ...that following a star leads you in circles?
- ...that the mothers of various pagan gods and Augustus's mother were also virgins? It's more common than you think!
- ...that perpetual virginity is easier with the Bill Clinton loophole?
- ...that Amy Grant likes premarital sex?
- ...that Christian prostitutes won't have sex on Sunday?
- ...that you've been upstaged by a shark?
- ...that you will only have a three-day window on your son's life insurance policy?
- ...this sleeping child you're holding is the great I Am? Like, woah, man! WOAH! WOAH!!
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