Mark Zuck
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“And I was human, I am human… still but I was just referring to myself in the past, not saying that I'm not human”
– Mark Zuck himself
Marky Mark and the Zucker-Bunch (also known as Mark Zuck, Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Zuck on deez nuts, the Spider Queen, and to lizard kind known as 02948273950392), is the reigning CEO of Facebook and Lizard Cloning INC. The home world of Zuck is the dwarf planet of Pluto, but he currently resides on planet earth where he plans to convert the population to lizards as well.
Current activities[edit | edit source]
As of 2025, he is currently hiding in an underground hole with Joe Biden. They are planning to take over Twitter (X) and Amazon, but Senior Emperor Jeff Bezos and Lord Ruler Elon Musk are currently defending it with their army of robots. Zuck's plan to bypass the robot based defense is to acquire the social media platform known as NextDoor so as to acquire an army of Karens. He has been seen exiting the Biden-cave several times in search of water, but has only been able to find low yield plutonium, which only partially sates his thirst. It has been suggested that he feeds on the blood of the homeless in San Francisco at night in order to stay alive.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Mark Zuck was an honest Lizard who made an honest living to help his lizard mother and Dinosaur father. Everything was going great, but then one day a Human came along. Since little Zuck couldn’t speak or understand any form of Language at the time, he didn’t know their name, but one thing was certain: he was jealous of the great height of that man and wanted his body. To do this, he crept under his pants, went up his shirt, and into his mind via his ear canal.
The new empire[edit | edit source]
From there he explored the brain as a virus, and found out that this human's name was “Mark Zuckerberg”, A Jewish entrepreneur. Mark drove deep into the economy of humanity and researched humans in an attempt to know them better than they knew themselves. He then started a company called Facebook in order to more quickly and efficiently harvest data from humans. He took over the social media platform Instagram as well, and made an empire under the banner of "Meta". This empire is filled to the brim with 9-year-olds who hang out in a platform called a rec room. This place is where young lizards hang out on this device called an oculus, which is powered by a space-time rift. This empire populated by delusional 9-year-olds scares off and annoys newer users which stops them from joining the platform. Zuck has yet to patch this failure.
Where do we go from here?[edit | edit source]
There are many things that we can do to prevent this giant empire from finiishing its goal of annihilating humanity via lizard transmogrification. We can boycott his evil plan by not buying the new Evil Oculus Quest 3, (which comes with twice the GPU power as the Quest 2 with full-color pass through so it doesn’t look like a VHS tape!). We can also stop signing up for Facebook and Instagram, which would also lower the stock value of Meta at a nice and steady rate.