Life aspirations
Life Aspirations are the most important factors in life. In life only one aspiration can be chosen when born, and it is wise to choose a good one because if you succeed you will spend eternity sailing around the world on a cruise ship, however if you fail or try to fail and succeed at failing instead of succeeding you will be reincarnated as a paper clip.
Life Aspirations[edit | edit source]
There are 6 known and 1 unknown life aspirations, Money, Regeneration, Love, Knowledge, Popularity, Sloth, and Unknown:
Money[edit | edit source]
The money aspiration is a common life aspiration and can be easily identified as those who wear matching pants and jackets at 8am in any particular time zone. People with the Money aspiration unfortunately do not realise that money is radioactive and thus become highly gullible. Money aspiratees are also known to regift and have extreme bad taste.
Regeneration[edit | edit source]
The regeneration aspiration is a result of extreme arrogance as a person attempts to naturally clone himself or herself enough times to take over the world. The fatal problem with this aspiration is a regeneration aspiratee requires another aspiratee with the regeneration aspiration to succeed. Often regeneration aspiratees develop severe back problems or are easily diverted by lack of sleep from their ultimate goal. Often problems occur with regeneration aspiratees when one of the two decides to continue the ultimate goal with several other regeneration aspiratees.
Love[edit | edit source]
Not to be confused with regeneration aspiratees, love aspiratees are easily distinguishable holding hands in public or loitering around the drama section in a video store. Love aspiratees tend to succeed in early stages of life but due to a lack of scope, aspiratees tend to attempt to change their chosen aspiration into another that is more commonly known as divorce.
Knowledge[edit | edit source]
The knowledge aspiratees are also very common but are extremely indecisive and hence often find themselves with similar aspiration traits as sloths or unknowns. Knowledge aspiratees have chosen this aspiration due to the broad scope in which to follow in their lives however fail to realise that to succeed in this aspiration they will have to become teachers who speak in nonsensical sentences by way of unnecessarily extensive prose.
Popularity[edit | edit source]
Aspiratees who choose popularity compete with money aspiratees in battles more commonly known as sports. Popularity aspiratees use an ongoing points tally to measure their success that works out at one point for a win and minus ten points for a loss and take considerable emotional distress after a loss. Female popularity aspiratees often engage with regeneration aspiratees to gain additional points and some are known to have given up their battles with money aspiratees to only partake in this. Female popularity aspiratees are easily identified as they own between 300-400 potions in their bathroom.
Sloth[edit | edit source]
The sloth (not aspiratees are the most aspiring and hard to recognise). They are unique as they sometimes succeed at succeeding but actually are trying to fail so tend to try to fail but because they are succeeding at failing quite often find themselves succeeding at failing to fail. They also tend to shoot themselves in the foot that according to Animal hurts a little however are able to grow a new one. Sloth aspiratees own slippers and are easily identifiable as they are capable of consuming other people, however this has never actually been witnessed due to their incredible speed.
Unknown[edit | edit source]
These are the most dangerous aspiratees as they live in remote parts of the world, are apparently very small and live in long grass, are green in colour making them remarkably camouflaged. They are reported to have populated the world and the only sign of unknown aspiratees are signs of rustling.