HowTo:Attend A Parent-Teacher Conference

Imagine you are the woman on the left, trapped in a conference. What would've happened if you listen to this.

It's the time of the PTC, but you don't know what to do. Here are some ways to go to one.

Fake your death

Sometimes you just REALLY not want to go to the conference. Just fake your death!

Car Crash

Example

Step 1:

Figure out where you want the crash to be.

Ideas: house, street, little Johnny's bar mitzvah, school.

Step 2:

Crash your car!

Step 3 (if you survive):

Kill some guy on the street and put him in the car.

Step 4 (optional):

Set it on fire.

Suicide (warning: might cause actual suicide!):

Step 1:

Buy a dummy... or pay a dummy to fake your suicide.

Step 2 (optional):

Set it on fire.

Pay someone else to go.

Do teachers really memorize everyone's parents? Just pay someone else.

Step 1:

Go on Craigslist and make a notice.

Step 2:

Pay the person.

Alternate Step 2:

Kill the person and run away to Mexico.

Move to a new country.

You need a disguise too.

Sometimes you need to go to extreme measures not to go to the conference, that you pack your bags and go away.

North America:

Canada:

The Great North is the easy way to get out of America, PTC or not. Seems like the most obvious.

Mexico & Central America:

Least likely to find you. Great place to hide!

Belize:

Belize is the only Central American country that speaks English, easy place to live in.

South America:

Brazil:

Best South American country to be in, you live in paradise.

Everywhere else:

No.

Europe:

Pick any British territory.

Africa:

Pick any (former) British territory.

Asia:

Japan:

Most Americans go there anyways.

North Korea:

Most Americans are there anyways.

Oceania:

Anywhere is good!

Picking a name:

Here are some name tips when hiding in your new country:

English speaking country and Asia:

Any name + Johnson, Smith, or Jones.

For Asia: You are a new immigrant.

Example: Bob Jones.

Spanish speaking country:

Male: Juan or Carlos Rodrigues.

Female: Maria or Lupita Rodrigues.

European country:

Jules + Random letters or Anagram of something.

Example: Jules Foloam or Jules Ponce-Clydia.

Middle Eastern country:

al- + Random Name + (r)iq or Mohammed. Note: K=Q

Example: al-Qyleriq

JUST GO TO THE GODDAMN CONFERENCE

DON'T BE A LITTLE BITCH, YOU ARE A FUCKING PARENT AND YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF IT? YOU ARE WEAK!!!

If anyone has more ideas, feel free to add them!

Or you could just send your kid there instead. The conference is about them, after all...