HowTo:Attend A Parent-Teacher Conference
It's the time of the PTC, but you don't know what to do. Here are some ways to go to one.
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- 1 Fake your death
- 2 Pay someone else to go.
- 3 Move to a new country.
- 3.1 North America:
- 3.2 South America:
- 3.3 Europe:
- 3.4 Africa:
- 3.5 Asia:
- 3.6 Oceania:
- 3.7 Picking a name:
- 3.8 English speaking country and Asia:
- 3.9 Spanish speaking country:
- 3.10 European country:
- 3.11 Middle Eastern country:
- 4 JUST GO TO THE GODDAMN CONFERENCE
- 5 If anyone has more ideas, feel free to add them!
Fake your death
Sometimes you just REALLY not want to go to the conference. Just fake your death!
Figure out where you want the crash to be.
Crash your car!
Step 3 (if you survive):
Kill some guy on the street and put him in the car.
Step 4 (optional):
Set it on fire.
Step 2 (optional):
Set it on fire.
Pay someone else to go.
Do teachers really memorize everyone's parents? Just pay someone else.
Go on Craigslist and make a notice.
Pay the person.
Alternate Step 2:
Move to a new country.
Sometimes you need to go to extreme measures not to go to the conference, that you pack your bags and go away.
The Great North is the easy way to get out of America, PTC or not. Seems like the most obvious.
Least likely to find you. Great place to hide!
Belize is the only Central American country that speaks English, easy place to live in.
Best South American country to be in, you live in paradise.
Pick any British territory.
Pick any (former) British territory.
Most Americans go there anyways.
Most Americans are there anyways.
Anywhere is good!
Picking a name:
Here are some name tips when hiding in your new country:
English speaking country and Asia:
Any name + Johnson, Smith, or Jones.
For Asia: You are a new immigrant.
Example: Bob Jones.
Spanish speaking country:
Male: Juan or Carlos Rodrigues.
Female: Maria or Lupita Rodrigues.
Jules + Random letters or Anagram of something.
Example: Jules Foloam or Jules Ponce-Clydia.
Middle Eastern country:
al- + Random Name + (r)iq or Mohammed. Note: K=Q
JUST GO TO THE GODDAMN CONFERENCE
DON'T BE A LITTLE BITCH, YOU ARE A FUCKING PARENT AND YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF IT? YOU ARE WEAK!!!
If anyone has more ideas, feel free to add them!
Or you could just send your kid there instead. The conference is about them, after all...