HowTo:Attend A Parent-Teacher Conference

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Imagine you are the woman on the left, trapped in a conference. What would've happened if you listen to this.

It's the time of the PTC, but you don't know what to do. Here are some ways to go to one.

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Fake your death[edit]

Sometimes you just REALLY not want to go to the conference. Just fake your death!

Car Crash[edit]

Example

Step 1:[edit]

Figure out where you want the crash to be.

Ideas: house, street, little Johnny's bar mitzvah, school.

Step 2:[edit]

Crash your car!

Step 3 (if you survive):[edit]

Kill some guy on the street and put him in the car.

Step 4 (optional):[edit]

Set it on fire.

Suicide (warning: might cause actual suicide!):[edit]

Step 1:[edit]

Buy a dummy... or pay a dummy to fake your suicide.

Step 2 (optional):[edit]

Set it on fire.

Pay someone else to go.[edit]

Do teachers really memorize everyone's parents? Just pay someone else.

Step 1:[edit]

Go on Craigslist and make a notice.

Step 2:[edit]

Pay the person.

Alternate Step 2:[edit]

Kill the person and run away to Mexico.

Move to a new country.[edit]

You need a disguise too.

Sometimes you need to go to extreme measures not to go to the conference, that you pack your bags and go away.

North America:[edit]

Canada:[edit]

The Great North is the easy way to get out of America, PTC or not. Seems like the most obvious.

Mexico & Central America:[edit]

Least likely to find you. Great place to hide!

Belize:[edit]

Belize is the only Central American country that speaks English, easy place to live in.

South America:[edit]

Brazil:[edit]

Best South American country to be in, you live in paradise.

Everywhere else:[edit]

No.

Europe:[edit]

Pick any British territory.

Africa:[edit]

Pick any (former) British territory.

Asia:[edit]

Japan:[edit]

Most Americans go there anyways.

North Korea:[edit]

Most Americans are there anyways.

Oceania:[edit]

Anywhere is good!

Picking a name:[edit]

Here are some name tips when hiding in your new country:

English speaking country and Asia:[edit]

Any name + Johnson, Smith, or Jones.

For Asia: You are a new immigrant.

Example: Bob Jones.

Spanish speaking country:[edit]

Male: Juan or Carlos Rodrigues.

Female: Maria or Lupita Rodrigues.

European country:[edit]

Jules + Random letters or Anagram of something.

Example: Jules Foloam or Jules Ponce-Clydia.

Middle Eastern country:[edit]

al- + Random Name + (r)iq or Mohammed. Note: K=Q

Example: al-Qyleriq

JUST GO TO THE GODDAMN CONFERENCE[edit]

Screaming girl.jpg

DON'T BE A LITTLE BITCH, YOU ARE A FUCKING PARENT AND YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF IT? YOU ARE WEAK!!!

If anyone has more ideas, feel free to add them![edit]

Or you could just send your kid there instead. The conference is about them, after all...