Homicidal screaming carrots
Homicidal screaming carrots are vicious creatures that tend to fly around in large swarms, emitting thin, whiny, high-pitched screams. They have only one desire; violently poking people to death while emitting their horrifying screams.
Behavior[edit | edit source]
Homicidal screaming carrots tend to spend most of their time flying around at night, looking for prey. Once a carrot has spotted a person, the entire swarm will collectively hunt him or her down. While doing so, they emitt the screams that they have become so feared for; screams that in many cases are so gutwrenchingly horrifying that whoever unfortunate enough to hear them inevitably suffer an instantaneous heart attack. Whenever this occur, the carrots will immedietly perform first aid while sending after an ambulance. As soon as the person has recovered, the hunt will continue. Once the victim has successfully been caught without suffering from heart failure, the vicious carrots then proceed to poke the person to death; a slow, painful process, the carrying out of which is generally referred to as poker.
There have also been a small number of reports detailing the attempts by carrots to enter the body through the anus. In the event that it thould happen - something highly unlikely, unless you happen to be a Japanese schoolgirl - you are recommended to commit suicide as soon as possible; you do not want to know what happens once the carrot reaches the colon.
Reproduction[edit | edit source]
Once the victim chosen by the carrots has been poked to death, the carrots will attach themselves to the ears, nostrils, mouth, and armpits of the person. Soon thereafter, the person will revive, remembering nothing of the encounter, but having to live the rest of his life with the carrots attached. Eventually, the constant, whiny screams of the carrots will drive the person completely, irreversibly bat fuck insane. Once this has happened, new carrots will periodically spring forth from under the fingernails of the person and take off, looking for new victims.
Where To Find[edit | edit source]
They will appear when least expected. Sometimes, they do so in the form of carrotified members of the Spanish Inquisition, whose armpits are loaded with carrots ready to be fired at you. Otherwise, simply wait, and pay attention to any unexpected, whiny noises you hear.
How To Encounter[edit | edit source]
If you encounter them, there is only one way to prevent them from poking you to death, namely chewing on them. However, as you do this, their horrific death screams will instantly drive you raging mad, making you swallow them, something that has the - in most cases undesired - result of causing you to suddenly exclaim "HURRGH!!!" and become an undead, devoted worshipper of . In other words, you are absolutely screwed. There is simply no way to escape them unscathed. Should you encounter them, and chances are at that you will, sooner or later, you are doomed! DOOMED!11
Homicidalscreamingcarrotaphobia[edit | edit source]
Homicidalscreamingcarrotaphobia is the phobia of homicidal screaming carrots, as explained in the above statements. about 102% of the US suffers from Homicidalscreamingcarrotaphobia, most even if they don't know it. If you think this does not apply to you, think agian. If a talking carrot came up to you with a knife, screaming uncontrollably, knife in hand, and spinning at 17 rps, what the fuck would you do? I know what i would do. I would go completely bat fuck insane. Although, many Humans do not have anything to fear, for Homicidal Screaming Carrots seldom eat humans, though more prefer White fluffy Kittens and Del Taco.
Origins[edit | edit source]
If, however, the Homicidal Screaming Carrot was either rogue or Bat Fuck Insane, and it was done with either your anal raping and/or your ear-sprouting, it would take you to its home planet, or realm, known as the land where nothing gets digested; or, in most cases, The Realm of Skin Grafts and Bad Feelings. In this realm, it would provide you with food, water, bandages for your anus and/or ears, and put on some NBC for you to watch. It would then take all of your belongings away, reveal itself with its full body released, and change the TV toy constant re-runs of 7th Heaven.
The origin, and or home planet, if you will, of the Homicidal screaming carrot you could say, was created when the founder of fisher price "took a swig" from the bottle of lies. (for more info look at the definition for the bottle of lies to find a bottle of lies.)