Future Worlds
FutureWorlds is a hive mind and propaganda agency most commonly spotted at the University of Southampton.
Common activities include seducing innocent students with a tricycle and megaphones.
History[edit | edit source]
In the late 1640s a demigod named Reuben decided that he was bored of simply biting off the heads of his partners and decided that he wished to consume their entire being instead. After extensive research in the city of Sheffield, he burnt 180 tonnes of Margaret Thatcher's hair in an event that became known in later years as the Great Fire of London. After 16 years of constant winter, a being rose from the depths of hell that would come to be known as the FutureWorld.
Future Worlds has three main aims in life:
- Plague the city of Southampton with tricycles.
- Consume the empty hull of Students whose soul has been removed by Gennaro Parlato.
- Wear annoyingly bright shirts, get in your way and film you without your permission.
Dragon's Den[edit | edit source]
FutureWorlds is famous for holding a giant ritual on every third full moon, otherwise known as Dragon's Den.
During this ritual, approximately 400 students gather in a small hole in the ground, often in a Students' Union. They then proceed to clap at people on stage until their hands turn into bloody stumps. Meanwhile, the relevant members of the hive member eat all of their toes and insert fried pickles into their orifices.
Lawsuit with the British Broadcasting Corporation[edit | edit source]
During the summer of 1939, in the early stages of the Great War, Future Worlds and the BBC were on opposing sides of the Battle of the Somme. FutureWorlds began using their patented tactic of attracting the soldiers into a nearby Students' Union in order to consume toes and eventually let the soldiers bleed out so Hitler could lose faith in his fourth wife. However, the BBC was able to zoom in and see across the vast length of the battlefield using their proprietary telescopic technology. Hence they decided to copy tact to ensure that they would not lose.
Understandably, Future Worlds were unhappy at this turn of events and shot the director of the BBC with a HDMI cable. This caused the BBC to collapse, but Future Worlds sued for damages anyway. As the BBC never responded, and the supreme court of India refuses to acknowledge the authenticity of the claim, the lawsuit is technically still going on til this very day. Accounting for inflation, the total valued sued for is estimated to be worth 4 gummy bears (2023).