Fingerjutsu

“Fingerjutsu is the best jutsu”

~ Naruto on fingerjutsu

“Fuck off, deaf idiots!”

~ Albert Einstein

An example of basic fingerjutsu

Fingerjutsu, also known as the middle finger, or silent insulting, is a common practice worldwide that almost everyone is capable of. However, most people are only capable of simple fingerjutsu; there are many different levels of fingerjutsu (think about it like how there are many levels for hand and feet geeks) that not many people are aware of. It was invented by Albert Einstein in 1955 so that he could express his true feelings towards deaf people.

Historical and common usage

Fingerjutsu was historically created to insult deaf people. However, over the many years of fingerjutsu evolution, it started to be used to insult everyone and everything, including animals and plants. Fingerjutsu is also often used in finger battles, which reward quite a lump sum of money.

Fingerjutsu experts are extremely skilled in finger battles, where they whip out their middle fingers - often confused with their dicks which are objectively small in size - and maneuver their two fingers centered in the center of each of their hands in such a way that is extremely effective in dealing a large amount of either physical, emotional damage to opponents. Unfortunately, this popular practice was discontinued by elementary-school teachers due to being "too rude".

Fingerjutsu is also used by many different kids on the battlefield. During a heated argument, a fingerjutsu apprentice will whip out their fingerjutsu skills in a method known as abuse of power. This is also one of the reasons why fingerjutsu was banned in the late 21st century.

Fingerjutsu has a noticable chance to backfire and possibly give the wielder some prison time. Most of the time, really. Especially when used in public.

Fingerjutsu styles

Do not try these in public! You will get arrested for it and they will cut your middle finger off. Only use these in fingerbattles, unprofessional ones included.

The Magic Finger

The Magic Finger, also known as the Finger in the Box, is quite a unique style of fingerjutsu. This specific type of fingerjutsu is capable of not giving trauma, but it can significantly confuse the enemy and stun them so they are physically unable to attack back.

The Magic Finger first begins with two fists, with one fist representing a jack-in-the-box. The other hand will twist in a way that represents an opening of a jack-in-the-box, and the middle finger in the hand representing a jack-in-the-box will slowly raise. Preferably, the person may then shout, "Oops, I didn't know how this thing worked!" or something related to that as a comical way to defeat your opponents without physical or mental damage.

The Magic Finger is a good attack for getting your opponent to laugh to death, however is it not effective in dealing sufficient emotional damage. The subsequent moves may also be ineffective due to the sudden increase in serotonin production.

The Magic Finger can also rarely be used as a form of passive-aggressive fingerjutsu.

Basic Fingerjutsu

A child's message to his teachers.

Basic fingerjutsu is the most basic form of fingerjutsu, and almost everyone knows how to do it. Even babies know it. This fingerjutsu is commonly used to express one's anger towards someone else, however isn't effective in giving enough trauma unless accompanied with an insult. Even so, this insult has to be good, otherwise the sheer idiocy of the basic fingerjutsu will drag the effectiveness of the attack down, by the length of your dick multiplied by 10. (Spoiler: Not a lot, even when hard.)

This style of fingerjutsu was the original fingerjutsu originally invented by Albert Einstein to insult deaf people, and soon became popular among many people across the world as a way to express anger towards someone else. Not efficient at giving long-term mental instability though, which is partly the reason why other forms of fingerjutsu soon appeared.

Passive-aggresive

Passive-aggressive fingerjutsu can make your opponents die of trauma, depending on the subtleness of the attack. These attacks are like silent farts: you don't know they're there, and when the realization kicks in you're already dead. Passive-aggressive fingerjutsu often follows a passive-aggressive insult, to finish them off with a blow.

A standard passive-aggressive practitioner of Fingerjutsu

Passive-aggressive fingerjutsu is a silent technique. When using it on someone, the attacker must not make it too obvious that it is present. Doing so will make the attack prone to being parried by the Magic Finger. Once one's opponent turns around to see, the attacker must make it clear that they are calm and then present the opponent with a threat, all while respectfully presenting a basic fingerjutsu attack as the cherry on top.

Passive-aggressive attacks rely on the element of surprise. It is only effective when the opponent is unsuspecting; however professionals will know to distract the opponent from the quite obvious setups of the attack.

Just like a silent fart, it is deadly and spreads extremely quick, unless you are prepared with a gas mask.

Respectful Fingerjutsu

Respectful fingerjutsu is for overrated gentlemen who can't stand a small hole in their reputation. It is a quiet attack and the opponent will not be aware of the attack at all. This attack is mostly just for blowing off steam.

Miscellaneous attacks

New fingerjutsu styles are being invented every day, to counter the counters created by other professionals. Later, a counter to that counter made to counter the regular attacks will be invented, then counters to the counter that counter made to counter... you get the point. There are just way too many fingerjutsu attacks to be listed here, due to the natural complexity and freedom of fingerjutsu. You can learn some fingerjutsu from a private tutor.

Side Effects

Using fingerjutsu comes with many questionable side effects. These include:

Wormify

The user of fingerjutsu sometimes will start behaving like a worm on steroids as a result of his erratic middle finger motion. When affected by this, the person will suddenly fall over and start to flop around like a worm. This commonly happens in public schools, private schools, as well as public schools. This symptom of prolonged fingerjutsu use is not to be confused with the so-called dance move the worm, as the person affected by this usually seeks the nearest cliff to jump off of.

Confused Masturbation

This is one of the only ways to achieve confused masturbation, as it usually only happens when druggies take too many drugs or when children are forced to take drugs. Confused masturbation is simply the act of accidentally masturbating and possibly getting white lotion everywhere. A person who shows confused masturbation should immediately be taken to your local physiatrist, or they may not be able to do anything other than masturbate for the next 5 years.

Fingerjutsu battles

Fingerjutsu battles