# Eleven

 ← 10 11 12 →
0 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90
Cardinal eleven
Ordinal 11th
(eleventh)
Factorization prime
Greek numeral ΙΑ´
Roman numeral XI
Binary 10112
Ternary 1023
Quaternary 234
Quinary 215
Senary 156
Octal 138
Duodecimal B12
Vigesimal B20
Base 36 B36

The number 11 does not exist. On the other hand, it is as real as any hröning in Tlön. This by itself is no reason to denigrate its use in daily life. In fact, numerology regards repeated elevens as a sign of spiritual mastery; you are encouraged to repeat eleven as often as necessary.

If we demonstrate Eleven's basic truth with an equation, ${\displaystyle 11=nonexistence}$ (and thus ${\displaystyle PhD=0}$), then because Mathematics is infallible, we can begin to understand its ramifications, especially in terms of quantum physics and superstring theory (which operates on an assumption of one-dimensional objects bent through eleven dimensions to look like the idiot who used permanent marker on the dry-erase board again). After all, nonexistence does exist, despite how much we wish it wouldn't.

This information raises some interesting questions, often speculated upon by philosophers such as Immanuel Kant, Martin Heidegger, and Steven James Anderson-Williams; usually while indulging in their favorite brews:

• Does the vacuum in space equal 11? Or perhaps, does the perception of 11 cause vacuum to exist? Remembering that space is infinite, perhaps the contemplation of eleven causes infinity.
• But would that explain why 9/11 has caused a Forever War, and what would other elevenths do if someone with an agenda got hold of them?
• Do barcodes containing 11 mean that the shops only think they have that product in stock? Or perhaps that it is priceless and cannot be bought, only given away?
• Will every Hoovercraft break down upon reaching its 11th birthday, or does it simply cease to exist after 11,000 miles? Has a Hoovercraft ever reached 11,000 miles without blowing up thanks to those geniuses in R&D?
• "Dude, I am soooo drunk... wait, there's only one left. Eleven beers! I might be on to something!"
• "Shut up, Kant, and gimme that brewski. I don't want it going to waste! Seriously, man, do you finish anything you start?"

The sculptor Isamu Noguchi has claimed that "The essence of sculpture is for me the perception of space, the continuum of our existence." Though he has extensively studied the number eleven, he has never created a piece which directly incorporates it; he has done ${\displaystyle 10+1}$, ${\displaystyle 12-1}$, and other equations which point in a similar direction. Apparently, he found what he was looking for.

## Useless

The number 11, excluding the examples stated above, is otherwise a completely useless number. It is a prime number, which makes it indivisible by anything. It consists of the numbers 1 and 1 stuck neatly together, creating an illusion of balance, but this is a lie.

If you had eleven slices of pizza, or eleven pieces of cake, the only way you could distribute it evenly is if there were eleven people present, or just one glutton. I personally have never seen a group of exactly eleven people (I've seen 10.6, but never mind that), and dividing the remaining pieces into elevenths would be silly. So the only option is for someone to eat two pieces, making everyone else jealous.

And how the hell are you supposed to divide something into elevenths anyway? The only way you could do it is if you had a ruler handy and the object's total volume was a multiple of eleven. What a pain.

The only good eleven has ever done anybody is... nothing!

## Did you know?

• There are eleven planets in the Solar System. Only two of them (Earth and The Moon) are real; the rest are carefully etched into the lenses of large telescopes?
• Most tigers have eleven stripes on their tails. The ones who don't are mutants, and persecuted for their affliction?
• The element K does not exist. Neither does Sodium. However, Potassium and Natron do, as they claim an a priori right to existence?
• There are eleven Grand Masters of the Tao, but only one of them manifests at any given time. This is because "There can be only one!"?
• The Akashic Records consist of eleven volumes per person, but they only have information on Buddha, Jesus, and Shiva. This is because they've been stored in an underground vault for over 10,500 years where nobody has been able to get to them?
• If you lose your copy of 11, you will find it again in an out of the way spot, even if you never actually owned one before?
• That eleven is "ridiculous", and "not even funny"?