Eddie the 'Ead
“You fucker you mispelled my name! It's Eddie the Head”
Eddie the 'Ead is a retired (actually fired) zombie that now acts as an international super-model. He is the main reason for Iron Maiden's success and is most likely the only reason mindless virgins, who otherwise hate metal, like the band (because they think they are so badass, altough real metalheads will likely kick their asses for being posers).
Biography[edit | edit source]
The only traces of his life that are known for sure are: after being fired from the Dawn of the Dead reality show for slacking, not cuting his hair and doing drugs, he became a worthless bum which cut people's heads at night with an axe. Proff of this can be seen in Iron Maiden's albums where at first he is just spotted on the streets (Iron Maiden 1980) than beggins to hunt Bruce Dickinson in which he fails and than takes revenge on the cameraman (Killers 1981). Iron Maiden liked his display of dread and hired him as their mascot, without minding about the cameraman because he was a fucking asshole the whole time. After this very happy event (including for the cameraman's family), Eddie became renowed for posing in various styles and being an international pimp. He also serves the army on occasion.
Speculations[edit | edit source]
“Eddie the head was born with no body, no arms, and no legs. All he had was a head. But despite this major birth defect, his parents still loved him very much. So on his sixteenth birthday, his parents found a doctor that could surgically give Eddie a body. When the parents got home, they couldn't wait to tell him that he could finally have a body and be like other normal people. When Eddie got there, they were really excited and said, "Have we got a surprise for you. It's the best present ever!" They showed him, and Eddie said, "Oh no, not another fuckin' hat!”
Before undead life[edit | edit source]
There are some speculations related to his life before he bacame an undead and auditioned for the Dawn of the Dead reality show. One of them is: he is the undead version of Benjamin Breeg (whoever the fuck that is), however this has been proven wrong since it was just a cover to save Eddie from the police since he was wanted for drug abuse, not paying parking lots and crushing people with motorcycles during concerts. A speculation closer to the truth is that he is the undead version of a Celine Dion clone which has undergone sex-change operations (which have gone terribly wrong).
Part-Time Jobs[edit | edit source]
There have been some allusions as to Eddie being Death although he has denied this by saying that the Dance of Death and Death on the Road photo albums were just for show. Also during his bum-life period before he was hired as a mascot, there have been some rumors about him. They were stating that Eddie had been: Bug Exterminator, Mental Institution Doctor/Pacient, Pyromaniac, Grave Digger, Sewer Cleaner, Bum, Retard, Asshole, Rapist, Serial Killer, but these have remained unconfirmed to this date.
Hobbies[edit | edit source]
Eddie has admited having various hobbies, many of which are photographed. Some of them include:
- Having a rusty axe in his hand (Killers)
- Killing cameramen (Killers)
- Fighting Satan over who is more evil and sometimes even impersonating him (Run to the Hills, Number of the Beast, Purgatory, Hallowed be Thy Name)
- Eating pianos (The Piano Tribute to Iron Maiden)
- Travelling though time (Somewhere in Time, Visions of the Beast, Stranger in a Strange Land)
- Pimping left and right (Women in Uniforms, Bring your Daughter... to the Slaughter)
- Constantly enrolling in the army (The Trooper, A Matter of Life and Death, 2 Minutes to Midnight)
- Being a kind king (Edward the Great)
- Violently raising from graves (Live after Death, The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg, No Prayer for the Dying)
- Repairing TVs by biting/crapping on them and setting them on fire (Holy Smoke, A Real Live One)
- Undergoing plastic surgeries (The X Factor)
- Having issues with Margaret Tatcher (Sanctuary, Women in Uniform)
- Flying (Flight of the Icarus, Aces High, Tailgunner)
- Studying Meteorology (Rock in Rio, Brave New World)
- Doing drugs, altough he has given up a long time ago
- Flipping people off while showing his *author vomits* ass (the Best of B Sides)
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Despite being entirely harmless since he stopped using drugs, a lot of controversy has spawned around poor Eddie.
Feuds[edit | edit source]
One of them are his feuds with Satan. They both auditioned for the Number of the Beast fashion gallery, but as Satan believed he has control over Eddie, it was in fact the other way around. Satan realised the manipulations soon and started a fight with Eddie, which led to him being decapitated.
Paparazzi[edit | edit source]
Also a reason of criticism among fans is the fact that those who have tried to make an Uncyclopedia article about him have disappeared in mysterious circum...
The author has been captured and killed by Eddie for telling the truth. Please do not ask for more information about this character
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