Dick Figures

These guys have no idea what the heck they're doing.

Dick Figures is the story of two All-American dudes named Redward and Blewis. They find themselves in insane situations without having any idea how they got there. Usually, it's Redward's fault for the whole mess in the first place. One time, Blewis got really high and thought he was a unicorn. They live in a town called Mondoville, where most of their shenanigans take place. The residents usually are afraid of them, but they threw a party, so it's all right.

Their 420-minute long feature film Dick Figures: The Sword of Legend showcases their adventures in Japan as they find "The Sword": an ancient weapon that would unlock the forgotten power of sushi. SPOILER ALERT: They end up in giant anime robots fighting an army of robots with giant gun-swords.

Major characters

The red one.

Redward

Redward is the arrogant know-it-all who originated as a meteor from space. He was once known as the sexist alien overlord Communisaurus Rex, but was quickly dominated by the power of his archenemy, Liberty-Girl. He ended up reborn as Redward, and crash-landed in Blewis's backyard. From then on, Blewis raised Redward as his very own. As much as "living with a roommate" is considered raising. Redward is a bully who is secretly an otaku, but he doesn't let anyone know. He has a girlfriend named Stagger, and they got drunk once in a bar. Redward really likes getting drunk. Whenever he is alone, Redward tries to create robots that will help him get more girls. Because nothing is better than the power of attracting girlfriends. With some of his memory of evil-doings still inside of him, he knows the basics of politics, which ensures that he will make the universe great once again.

Blewis

Blewis is really depressed half the time. The other half, he has no idea what the heck is even happening. He's "kinda nerdy", according to all of his friends. His favorite board game is Dungeons Dungeons and More Dungeons, he plays Call of Duty, and once tried to join an actual war over a video game at the store Cybertime Systems. He lives at his own house, and is a responsible citizen, who pays rent and brutally murders those who try to rob his house. In his spare times, he reads boring graphic novels.

Stagger

As her name suggests, Stagger crip-walks everywhere. Not much is known about her, except for her driver's license number, social security number, address, and zip code.

Tourettes

The loud one.

As his name suggests, he cannot stop shouting everything. Not only that, but he is also a magical prince from another dimension who came here to make the world a "better place". His hat gives him magical space powers that allow him to remember the digits of pi. This isn't really particularly useful, but it's still pretty awesome. "THREE POINT ONE FOUR ONE FIVE NINE TWO SIX FIVE THREE FIVE EIGHT NINE SEVEN NINE THREE TWO THREE EIGHT FOUR SIX TWO SIX FOUR THREE THREE EIGHT THREE TWO SEVEN NINE FIVE" he would scream, seemingly at random. He can also remember every word in existence. So he knows the word "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" and knows what it means. Tourettes has the vocal capacity of Black Bolt.

Minor Characters

• Troll: Troll his only his nickname. His real name is Omglolroflstfu. Troll trolls people on Trollian.

• Local Rich Guy: He's an obnoxious millionaire who is constantly injured by Redward's shenanigans.

• Salmon: Salmon is Blewis's girlfriend. She knows how to give CPR, which is useful on about everyday of her life.

• Mr. Nickel: Mr. Nickel is Redward and Blewis's neighbor. He was a colonel in World War II and probably caused 9/11.

• Master Rabies: A Japanese raccoon, Master Rabies resides at Stupid Inc., where he creates katanas out of thin air. He once trained Redward in the martial art of Sushi-Fu, but Redward failed miserably.

• Golden Ninja: The Golden Ninja is a step up from the Green Ninja, in which he isn't annoying, nor is he made out of toys for children.

• Street Boy: Where graffiti comes from.

Plot

There is none.

Well, maybe there is a subtle undertext at play. It's really about how the government wants us to follow the actions of these young men and then get entrapped. Maybe the government isn't so bright... then again, Donald Duck is currently in office, so it's no surprise.