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UnNews:Reporter "Leon Sandcastle" gives his two cents on Shedeur Sanders' massive draft slide

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Sunday, April 27, 2025

Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle. Notice the sweet, sexy 'fro and 'stache. Clearly not the style of "Prime Time" Deion Sanders

Editor's note: a self-proclaimed "Prime Time sportswriter" named Leon Sandcastle, who also claimed to be in no way related to former NFL star and University of Colorado Boulder head football coach Deion Sanders nor his son and recent NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders, dropped this goodie in our mailbox to complain about why Shedeur wasn't drafted any higher.

Howdy America! One-time NFL draft darling and current Priiime Tiiime sportswriter Leon Sandcastle here. I got something to say to all these NFL owners though. WHAT'S WRONG WITH Y'ALL!?? How come no one wanted to draft my son.. I mean, the son of legendary Priiime Tiiime NFL player Deion Sanders, baby? Even President Trump says y'all stupid as fuck! And he don't even like black people, or so y'all liberals say!

This boy the future of the NFL, baby! Why y'all made him a measly 5th-round pick??

Shedeur was the TOP QUARTERBACK PROSPECT in all of college football this year! Look at his kickass 70% percent completion rate! Never mind that we.. I mean he played in the so-called "lower class" Big 12 Conference and not the SEC like Cam Ward, it's still FBS football, baby! Never mind he holds the ball for too long, throws for a mediocre number of touchdowns or so 'yall say, and takes an ungodly number of sacks! 70 PERCENT BABY! Thats' what I preached to.. I mean, that's what his daddy told him to do. At least he do listen to his pops unlike so many undisciplined kids out there.

In fact, Shedeur's daddy the only voice he should listen to cause his daddy know best! Screw Brian Daboll and his staff calling Shedeur "entitled, rude, and bratty" when they interviewed him, them New York Giants don't deserve him anyways. Screw Aaron Rodgers for his stupid ass game of "will he or won't" with Coach Tomlin and them Pittsburgh Steelers, gaslighting them into keeping Shedeur away from those kickass receivers there. Who gon' be their quarterback if Rodgers decides he ain't playin' this year? Huh??

Now let's take a look at what his daddy did. Deion Sanders had a whole ass NFL career making priiime tiiime NFL plays as a defensive back. He coulda just sat back and enjoyed retirement, but he had such a big heart he wanted to teach his priiime tiiime ways to the less-privileged! The brotha turned around some shithole HBC school and made them a football powerhouse, and now he turned around some shithole school in danger of being relegated to FCS in Colorado!

Ooh, this Rocky Mountain hashish is pretty good. Don't tell Shedeur, Deion Jr., Shiloh, or any of my other kids, or even the NCAA that! My kids be tryin' to make the league, ya know? Oh shit, nevermind, I ain't related to them Sanders clan, that's why Leon be smoking the weed here!

**cough** but anyways, WHY Y'ALL DIDN'T DRAFT SHEDEUR UNTIL THE FIFTH ROUND!? Y'all costed him at least $30 million that he ain't making for not being a 1st round pick! I been TELLIN' Y'ALL Shedeur a first round talent! Y'all didn't listen. Now he gon' be asking his pops for money, now that he be paid a measly $3 million non guaranteed salary as a 5th round QB.

C'mon, $3 million to live in Cleveland of all places?? Y'all gotta pay a brotha more to live in that god-forsaken winter wasteland!

You know what, blame Deshaun Watson. Blame that stupid ass rapist for taking up Cleveland's entire salary cap, fully guaranteed, so that them Browns had to pay my son.. er.. Shedeur pennies to play there. They be payin' Deshaun money not to be playin' this year after he sucked ass for them Browns last year and fucked his ankle up for good! And why they Browns be spending a higher pick on some other rookie quarterback who only like 5'9"? Huh??

You know what, I'm gonna show up every day at training camp to MAKE SURE Shedeur got a fighting chance to make the team over bum-ass Watson, Joe Flacco, Kenny Puny-hands, and that other rookie. FIVE QBs in camp?? C'mon, man! And DON'T TELL ME I'm too much of a distraction, baby! I'm Priiime Tiiime!

Sources

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For more fake news on this topic, read: My son makes the play of the game
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